Monday, November 27, 2006
NYPD GUNS DOWN BACHELOR AT BACHELOR PARTY
N'YUK, N'YUK. "Taking the Plunge", "Getting Hitched", "Biting the Bullet", that's exactly what one Queens, New York man did literally.
While out with a friend for a last night out as a single man, both parties were shot at 60 times by NYPD after leaving a strip club in their car. The groom, sadly, was killed, but his friend was hospitalized.
When officers were asked why they shot so many times, they just looked dumbfounded. One officer commented, "Well, I taught I saw im wit a gun, so whad dah fuk?"
Another said, "Hey, da bastid nevah tipped the ladies in dere!"
Whatever the reason for the overshot, there was never a gun found on the man they assumed was carrying, and the entire incident is still under investigation.
One L.A. cop gave his advise, "Hey, if you go in with guns blazing and it turns out there is no gun...always carry a drop gun."
While out with a friend for a last night out as a single man, both parties were shot at 60 times by NYPD after leaving a strip club in their car. The groom, sadly, was killed, but his friend was hospitalized.
When officers were asked why they shot so many times, they just looked dumbfounded. One officer commented, "Well, I taught I saw im wit a gun, so whad dah fuk?"
Another said, "Hey, da bastid nevah tipped the ladies in dere!"
Whatever the reason for the overshot, there was never a gun found on the man they assumed was carrying, and the entire incident is still under investigation.
One L.A. cop gave his advise, "Hey, if you go in with guns blazing and it turns out there is no gun...always carry a drop gun."
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE WORLD part two
HOLLYWOULD. As if this could come from anywhere else? Cozmo Kramer is in deep doo-doo! One night at an L.A. comedy club, a couple of audience members (who were male African Americans) were heckling him to no end until he became furious and shot back at them calling them the "N" word a few times and also resorting back to when they had less rights back in the day.
A bad move on Cozmo's part, but what did these guys expect when they were heckling him? I'm not giving kudos to racial remarks, I'm just saying that if you're easily offended then stay out of the comedy clubs. I was at a comedy venue just a couple of weeks ago in Spinner, Iowa. There were at least 5 people in the crowd that were offended by what was being said on stage. C'mon, people!!
To make matters worse, these hecklers are now suing Cozmo for pain and discomfort. If Cozmo was smart, he'd just apologize and do a Mel Gibson and head for the nearest rehab. At any rate, I'm watching this one closely, because if these guys win this court battle, then I am suing everyone of you bastards that have called me everything but a half-bred Irish Maori!!
A bad move on Cozmo's part, but what did these guys expect when they were heckling him? I'm not giving kudos to racial remarks, I'm just saying that if you're easily offended then stay out of the comedy clubs. I was at a comedy venue just a couple of weeks ago in Spinner, Iowa. There were at least 5 people in the crowd that were offended by what was being said on stage. C'mon, people!!
To make matters worse, these hecklers are now suing Cozmo for pain and discomfort. If Cozmo was smart, he'd just apologize and do a Mel Gibson and head for the nearest rehab. At any rate, I'm watching this one closely, because if these guys win this court battle, then I am suing everyone of you bastards that have called me everything but a half-bred Irish Maori!!
Saturday, November 25, 2006
MUSLIMS CAN'T FLY THE FRIENDLY SKIES
MINNEAPOLIS. Have you seen the movie: United 93? It's the powerful and well crafted movie that captures the events that led up to 9-11. From the time the Muslim extremists pray in their hotel for their Jihad, to the time flight 93 crashes into a feild in Pennsylvania.
With this in mind, picture if you will sitting on a U.S. Airways flight to Pheonix, Arizona. Before you boarded the plane in Minneapolis you notice some people that are obviously Muslim in their garb. You think to yourself, this is just f@cking great! C'mon, you are thinking it. Unless you are one of the other ones who think, I think I should get to know them see what they're about. In eavesdropping on their conversation, (you are trying to catch anything that might sound anti-American, so you can report it and you can be a "real American hero".) There it is...one of them said some anti-American slam on the U.S. occupation in Iraq.
Now, you're sitting just a few rows from them in the plane. You tell yourself, yep, if they try to hi-jack this plane, I'll be one of those guys that fights back no matter what the risk. Suddenly, they are praying. Chanting. Like they are giving themselves to Allah before their great Jihad. You're quick, but sweaty. You pass a note via the stewardess to the captian. "Suspicious Muslim on board". The air marshal and pilot and crew come and ask the Muslims to stop praying. They refuse so they ask the Muslims to leave the plane. They refuse. And eventually, they are escorted off the plane. You, are a real American hero.
Or are you? Maybe you are just paranoid. Paranoid because of what the media is giving you. The propaganda you're being fed. Human beings beleive what they want to beleive. Usually the bad stuff, and they generalize everything. If one from a group of people do or think a certain way, then they all must think that way. Could they have been plotting something? Maybe. But here's the thing. Let's take a look at Adolf Hitler. A maniac who made Sadaam and Osama look like the bopsy twins. Now, if a group of Neo Nazi skin heads climbed aboard your plane would you freak? Or let's say it was a extreme group of Lutherans who flew into the trade center in September. Would we freak on them? Hell, no, if they were Lutherans the entire state of Minnesota would be a POW camp.
With this in mind, picture if you will sitting on a U.S. Airways flight to Pheonix, Arizona. Before you boarded the plane in Minneapolis you notice some people that are obviously Muslim in their garb. You think to yourself, this is just f@cking great! C'mon, you are thinking it. Unless you are one of the other ones who think, I think I should get to know them see what they're about. In eavesdropping on their conversation, (you are trying to catch anything that might sound anti-American, so you can report it and you can be a "real American hero".) There it is...one of them said some anti-American slam on the U.S. occupation in Iraq.
Now, you're sitting just a few rows from them in the plane. You tell yourself, yep, if they try to hi-jack this plane, I'll be one of those guys that fights back no matter what the risk. Suddenly, they are praying. Chanting. Like they are giving themselves to Allah before their great Jihad. You're quick, but sweaty. You pass a note via the stewardess to the captian. "Suspicious Muslim on board". The air marshal and pilot and crew come and ask the Muslims to stop praying. They refuse so they ask the Muslims to leave the plane. They refuse. And eventually, they are escorted off the plane. You, are a real American hero.
Or are you? Maybe you are just paranoid. Paranoid because of what the media is giving you. The propaganda you're being fed. Human beings beleive what they want to beleive. Usually the bad stuff, and they generalize everything. If one from a group of people do or think a certain way, then they all must think that way. Could they have been plotting something? Maybe. But here's the thing. Let's take a look at Adolf Hitler. A maniac who made Sadaam and Osama look like the bopsy twins. Now, if a group of Neo Nazi skin heads climbed aboard your plane would you freak? Or let's say it was a extreme group of Lutherans who flew into the trade center in September. Would we freak on them? Hell, no, if they were Lutherans the entire state of Minnesota would be a POW camp.
IRAQ CASUALTY AT HOME
CALIFORNICATION. There has been a casualty of war right here stateside. Indirectly related to everything going on overseas.
First, our men and women in uniform are being killed on a monthly basis and there is still no sign of pull-out.
Second, the war is driving our men and women to doing unnameable things to others. Making us no better than Saddaam. The POW treatments, military personel raping the Iraqi women and killing them.
Third, reporters kidnapped, civillians kidnapped and killed.
Forth, an American soldier is called home from Iraq because his wife died giving birth to their newborn daughter. In his grief, he says he can't raise their TWO children alone, so he kills the baby.
Fourth, the Patriot Act, in the name of patriotism and the sacrifice of Freedom, turn in your neighbors, turn in your family and your co-workers. You cannot do anything anymore without everyone knowing about it. And we, in fear of terrorism, let it happen.
When are these atrosities going to end?
They won't. Ever. Congress has handed over ultimate power to the President. Are we a democracy anymore? If not, then why are we emposing democracy on other countries?
First, our men and women in uniform are being killed on a monthly basis and there is still no sign of pull-out.
Second, the war is driving our men and women to doing unnameable things to others. Making us no better than Saddaam. The POW treatments, military personel raping the Iraqi women and killing them.
Third, reporters kidnapped, civillians kidnapped and killed.
Forth, an American soldier is called home from Iraq because his wife died giving birth to their newborn daughter. In his grief, he says he can't raise their TWO children alone, so he kills the baby.
Fourth, the Patriot Act, in the name of patriotism and the sacrifice of Freedom, turn in your neighbors, turn in your family and your co-workers. You cannot do anything anymore without everyone knowing about it. And we, in fear of terrorism, let it happen.
When are these atrosities going to end?
They won't. Ever. Congress has handed over ultimate power to the President. Are we a democracy anymore? If not, then why are we emposing democracy on other countries?
Monday, November 20, 2006
OJ IS TASTELESS
FLORIDA. As if the Fux TV network didn't put enough exploitation and tasteless crap on the air already with all their tasteless reality shows and taking news and make it "sensational", we have ex-football hero, ex-actor, ex-murderer, OJ Simpleton wanting to write a book. A book on what he WOULD'VE done had he been the murderer of his wife and her boyfriend-on-the-side. (oh why am I writing this crap?)
The book, being published by 20th Century Fux, also includes a TV show dedicated to the promotion of the book, also airing on Fux TV. And there was also going to be an exclusive interview with Mr. Simpleton about the book.
Mr. Simpleton's attourney said that he was against the release of this book. Surprisingly, about 20 Fux local networks were refusing to air the show. And thank god that Fux eventually cancelled the show and the book deal.
If I were the executives at Fux, I would watch my back. Mr. Simpleton just may have another pair of ill-fitting gloves to grasp you with....
The book, being published by 20th Century Fux, also includes a TV show dedicated to the promotion of the book, also airing on Fux TV. And there was also going to be an exclusive interview with Mr. Simpleton about the book.
Mr. Simpleton's attourney said that he was against the release of this book. Surprisingly, about 20 Fux local networks were refusing to air the show. And thank god that Fux eventually cancelled the show and the book deal.
If I were the executives at Fux, I would watch my back. Mr. Simpleton just may have another pair of ill-fitting gloves to grasp you with....
Sunday, November 19, 2006
VIDEO FAIR GAME
NERDVILLE. Nerds across the globe lined up, camped out, and even killed for the release of the new Gaystation 3.
Yes, within the capital of all nerdom, while camping out in front of their favorite Targae, gunfire broke out as nerds ran to their cars carrying their purchases.
"It was like being in the game, man!" cried one nerd.
"I thought we were playing a real life version of Glam Theft Auto!" cried another.
The fact was, there was a mistake in an announcement in the paper that read: "Game available at Targae" a group of hunters who are still learning to read with hooked on Ebonics thoght there was an ad for free game at Targae.
Needless to say, after the loss of a few brainiacs, and the smoke cleared, the DNR and Targae management cleared the matter up.
"It's a good thing, ya know?" said one hunter, "I was tired of pouring nerd pee all over me."
Yes, within the capital of all nerdom, while camping out in front of their favorite Targae, gunfire broke out as nerds ran to their cars carrying their purchases.
"It was like being in the game, man!" cried one nerd.
"I thought we were playing a real life version of Glam Theft Auto!" cried another.
The fact was, there was a mistake in an announcement in the paper that read: "Game available at Targae" a group of hunters who are still learning to read with hooked on Ebonics thoght there was an ad for free game at Targae.
Needless to say, after the loss of a few brainiacs, and the smoke cleared, the DNR and Targae management cleared the matter up.
"It's a good thing, ya know?" said one hunter, "I was tired of pouring nerd pee all over me."
Thursday, November 16, 2006
CAN MAN SCREW DEAD ANIMALS?
DUHLUTH. It's the time of the season when real men slap on camoflauge from head to toe, then cover that up with blaze orange and then smother themselves with female deer piss and hang out in a tree waiting to kill Bambi's parents.
Almost like a siren call, hunters from across the state make their way to their hallowed hunting grounds, whether they are hunting deer, duck, geese, grouse or whether your like me and like to go to the nearest mall, climb the rafters, and hunt Christmas...sorry...holiday shoppers. It's a season to be jolly. But no so much for necro-beastie Zeke Gephardt.
The 20 year old Infurior, Wisconsin man was taking a nice scenic drive through the back roads of Duhluth, MN and spotted himself a struck deer. Not struck by a bullet but by a vehicle. Zeke, feeling the primative instinct kick in, stopped his car, dragged the mangled deer into the nearby woods, and made love to it's carcass.
The DNR spotted this odd sight and arrested him. It seems Mr. Gephardt has a record of odd sexual behavior, a year ago he was arrested for shooting a horse and riding it...the wrong way. The very WRONG way.
Sadly enough, a lawyer has taken the case. I know, big surprise. The defense lawyers case against the state is this, "Yes, my client agrees it's wrong to screw animals, but the animal ceases to be an animal once it is dead. Therefore, my client did not have sexual relations with an animal, it was a carcass."
This logic explains the reason four Wisconsin teenagers from a previous R.A.G. Files story thought it was okay to dig up a woman who had been deceased 4 days and were planning on having sex with her.
However this trial pans out, it disturbs me to think that this person is of legal voting age.
Almost like a siren call, hunters from across the state make their way to their hallowed hunting grounds, whether they are hunting deer, duck, geese, grouse or whether your like me and like to go to the nearest mall, climb the rafters, and hunt Christmas...sorry...holiday shoppers. It's a season to be jolly. But no so much for necro-beastie Zeke Gephardt.
The 20 year old Infurior, Wisconsin man was taking a nice scenic drive through the back roads of Duhluth, MN and spotted himself a struck deer. Not struck by a bullet but by a vehicle. Zeke, feeling the primative instinct kick in, stopped his car, dragged the mangled deer into the nearby woods, and made love to it's carcass.
The DNR spotted this odd sight and arrested him. It seems Mr. Gephardt has a record of odd sexual behavior, a year ago he was arrested for shooting a horse and riding it...the wrong way. The very WRONG way.
Sadly enough, a lawyer has taken the case. I know, big surprise. The defense lawyers case against the state is this, "Yes, my client agrees it's wrong to screw animals, but the animal ceases to be an animal once it is dead. Therefore, my client did not have sexual relations with an animal, it was a carcass."
This logic explains the reason four Wisconsin teenagers from a previous R.A.G. Files story thought it was okay to dig up a woman who had been deceased 4 days and were planning on having sex with her.
However this trial pans out, it disturbs me to think that this person is of legal voting age.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
DARLING SAYS FAREMOUNT "DARLING"
FAREMOUNT. I just received a hilarious mailer today from Faremount city administrator Slim Darling and he was talking about the wonderful economic growth in Faremount, and how during an online poll by the Faremount Senteniel asking how citizens felt about it, well, 53 said Faremount's future is bleak, while a whopping 10 said, "Hey, things look fan-tab-you-luss".
Mr. Darling also ripped on a reporter from the Twin Cities who wrote an article stating the "state" of Faremount wasn't looking very good for the future.
Well, here's what Mr. Darling had to say, and I will be following his facts with the truth:
D: "Local businesses are thriving and expanding their presence in Faremount. They are creating more job opportunities."
LB: Sweat Financial Services built himself a brand spanking new office building investing over $5 million. Now, do you really want someone who is investing your money building that big of an office? McRonald's took out their playland and put in computer games and made the inside more "adult" friendly. But the "Slappy Meals" are healthier, your kids just can't excercise. And they added a new drive through lane. Taco Juan's re-did the outside of their building and the inside still looks like crap. We've lost Taco Hell and Dumino's Pizza. Just in the last year, the 2 major employers of Faremount, Hartless Track Technologies and TechsAvery-Wait-tronix, laid off a significant number of their long-time employees stating the "economy" was hurting the companies.
D: "Faremount is getting a boost from outside investment."
LB: The new "Investments" are all gathered around the I-90 highway 15 corridor. Wall-Mart supercenter is coming. Creating jobs and boosting economy? We will lose Chopko, L-Mart, Cunty Market, H-I-Vee, Byron's Pharmacy, K & R Drug, and all the other "mom and pop" shops in town. Also, Windy's is there, built a year ago, and the service hasn't improved. They've also built a Scarbacks Coffee, which everyone is wondering how we're going to afford a cup of coffee for $5.
D: "Every year from 2000 through 2005, the City issued building permits for 10 to 20 new single family and town homes, a good mix of housing is good for the community."
LB: The single family homes, and townhouses? GoldLinch Estates, The Pillage Cooperative, and the Spamlet Addition are all for seniors. They are assisted living complexes.
Anyone can paint a pretty picture of whatever they want. Besides its Mr. Darling's job to make our town look great. When I first thought of moving down here from the Twin CIties I thought that it was a beautiful town with all it's lakes and Norman Rockwellesque downtown. Well, my eyes were opened very shortly after I moved here.
Mr. Darling also ripped on a reporter from the Twin Cities who wrote an article stating the "state" of Faremount wasn't looking very good for the future.
Well, here's what Mr. Darling had to say, and I will be following his facts with the truth:
D: "Local businesses are thriving and expanding their presence in Faremount. They are creating more job opportunities."
LB: Sweat Financial Services built himself a brand spanking new office building investing over $5 million. Now, do you really want someone who is investing your money building that big of an office? McRonald's took out their playland and put in computer games and made the inside more "adult" friendly. But the "Slappy Meals" are healthier, your kids just can't excercise. And they added a new drive through lane. Taco Juan's re-did the outside of their building and the inside still looks like crap. We've lost Taco Hell and Dumino's Pizza. Just in the last year, the 2 major employers of Faremount, Hartless Track Technologies and TechsAvery-Wait-tronix, laid off a significant number of their long-time employees stating the "economy" was hurting the companies.
D: "Faremount is getting a boost from outside investment."
LB: The new "Investments" are all gathered around the I-90 highway 15 corridor. Wall-Mart supercenter is coming. Creating jobs and boosting economy? We will lose Chopko, L-Mart, Cunty Market, H-I-Vee, Byron's Pharmacy, K & R Drug, and all the other "mom and pop" shops in town. Also, Windy's is there, built a year ago, and the service hasn't improved. They've also built a Scarbacks Coffee, which everyone is wondering how we're going to afford a cup of coffee for $5.
D: "Every year from 2000 through 2005, the City issued building permits for 10 to 20 new single family and town homes, a good mix of housing is good for the community."
LB: The single family homes, and townhouses? GoldLinch Estates, The Pillage Cooperative, and the Spamlet Addition are all for seniors. They are assisted living complexes.
Anyone can paint a pretty picture of whatever they want. Besides its Mr. Darling's job to make our town look great. When I first thought of moving down here from the Twin CIties I thought that it was a beautiful town with all it's lakes and Norman Rockwellesque downtown. Well, my eyes were opened very shortly after I moved here.
ELECTION RESULTS
FAREMOUNT. It's probably good I didn't count those chickens before they hatched, eh? A disappointing but close loss for Mike Snatch and Mrs. Douche as they lost by a lousy 1% to Guv-nuh Slim Plenty. Hum, another four years of he. But on the lighter side, Amy Kowbutcher boots out Kenady, and the dems have the house.
Locally, Faremount has a new mayor, Mr. (just)Randy Queering. He replaces Chucks Growth who retires this year. The city council members who were incumbents kept their seats, which means there will be no growth here. And yes, Sheriff Vlad Gephardt beats me by a landslide for the Sheriff race, I did manage to reel in a total of 101 "write-in" votes, so yay me. One of the things that really ticked me off about the local race is that no one stopped in our neighborhood to rally support. Just because my neighborhood is called the DMZ (DeMilitarized Zone), they don't come knocking. So if you were on house arrest in our neighborhood, (which is common place around these parts), you'd never know there was an election as there weren't a sign to be seen in any yards.
Something that really gets me, we get questions like: "Do you think we should use car sales tax for transportation needs?" and Seattle gets questions like: "Do you think lap dancing at Gentleman's clubs should be legal?" I mean, whats up with that? If the citizens of Seattle would have voted "no", than you'd be sitting 5 feet away from a stripper to be legal.
Locally, Faremount has a new mayor, Mr. (just)Randy Queering. He replaces Chucks Growth who retires this year. The city council members who were incumbents kept their seats, which means there will be no growth here. And yes, Sheriff Vlad Gephardt beats me by a landslide for the Sheriff race, I did manage to reel in a total of 101 "write-in" votes, so yay me. One of the things that really ticked me off about the local race is that no one stopped in our neighborhood to rally support. Just because my neighborhood is called the DMZ (DeMilitarized Zone), they don't come knocking. So if you were on house arrest in our neighborhood, (which is common place around these parts), you'd never know there was an election as there weren't a sign to be seen in any yards.
Something that really gets me, we get questions like: "Do you think we should use car sales tax for transportation needs?" and Seattle gets questions like: "Do you think lap dancing at Gentleman's clubs should be legal?" I mean, whats up with that? If the citizens of Seattle would have voted "no", than you'd be sitting 5 feet away from a stripper to be legal.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
10:30PM POLLS SO FAR
FAREMOUNT. Thanks to source mpr.org, it looks as if the dems are going to take over, but the race is close yet. I think it's safe to say "good-bye" to Guv'nah Plenty and "Hello" to Guv'nuh Snatch, who doesn't seem to be hurting from the little E-85 incident of his Lt. Guv'nuh Ms. Douche. But I don't want to make the same mistake that the TV news did, the precincts haven't all reported in yet so it's really anyones guess. I will have the results as soon as they're in.
I voted at noon today at the Faremount KaySee Hall and bumped into Dan Bookends (the notorious New Zealander hating DJ from KFMT), and he nudged me stating that he was voting for all anti-New Zealander candidates. Bastard!
Here's a good note. It looks as if I'm not going to be wearing the badge this time around. It seems incumbent Moon Valley Sheriff Vlad Gephardt has over a thousand votes. BUT...I managed to reel in 27 "write-in" votes. Not bad, eh?
Guess I'll try next time....
I voted at noon today at the Faremount KaySee Hall and bumped into Dan Bookends (the notorious New Zealander hating DJ from KFMT), and he nudged me stating that he was voting for all anti-New Zealander candidates. Bastard!
Here's a good note. It looks as if I'm not going to be wearing the badge this time around. It seems incumbent Moon Valley Sheriff Vlad Gephardt has over a thousand votes. BUT...I managed to reel in 27 "write-in" votes. Not bad, eh?
Guess I'll try next time....
Monday, November 06, 2006
LOSTBIRD LATE ENTRY INTO THE POLLS
FAREMOUNT. Yes, that's right folks! I am running for office. In less than 12 hours from now the polls will open here in this fair city and I've just now decided to run against my arch enemy Sheriff Vlad Gephardt, encumbant Sheriff of Moon Valley(Martin) County.
He stands unapposed and thinks he's going to ride this one out. HA!
What are my credentials? Well, I have 5 years on the No Hope Police Department serving as Officer of the year in 1998. 5 years with the Moon Valley Sheriff's department. And above my opponent, I am fairly sane. I oppose forced marches to church. I oppose letting every psycho with a horse patrol my town. and I oppose Vlad Gephardt being sheriff.
So please, when you are voting for Moon Valley (Martin) county Sheriff, please consider writing me in.
He stands unapposed and thinks he's going to ride this one out. HA!
What are my credentials? Well, I have 5 years on the No Hope Police Department serving as Officer of the year in 1998. 5 years with the Moon Valley Sheriff's department. And above my opponent, I am fairly sane. I oppose forced marches to church. I oppose letting every psycho with a horse patrol my town. and I oppose Vlad Gephardt being sheriff.
So please, when you are voting for Moon Valley (Martin) county Sheriff, please consider writing me in.
WHY YOU SHOULD VOTE
YOUR DESKTOP. Are you planning on voting? It's election eve, the promises are over. The mudslinging slung, the cheesy using your kids in your campaign ads is done. Now it's up to you. Can you get past the anger of letting these people take up your time, your lawn, your mailbox, your radio, tv and newspaper?
No, it's not a presidential election. But it is important. Don't use the excuse that there's no one to vote for. There is always someone to vote for, and if you hate everyone on the ballot than write your own name in, but get out there and vote goddamnit!
It's your right as a red-blooded American to vote, it's your duty. Grandfather's, father's, brother's, mothers and sisters have sacrificed so that we, can go down to our local poll and vote. Have our say. Your candidate may not win, your party may not get the majority. But you were at least given the choice, and if you lose, then you have the god-given right to bitch.
Just get your a$$ out there and do it.
No, it's not a presidential election. But it is important. Don't use the excuse that there's no one to vote for. There is always someone to vote for, and if you hate everyone on the ballot than write your own name in, but get out there and vote goddamnit!
It's your right as a red-blooded American to vote, it's your duty. Grandfather's, father's, brother's, mothers and sisters have sacrificed so that we, can go down to our local poll and vote. Have our say. Your candidate may not win, your party may not get the majority. But you were at least given the choice, and if you lose, then you have the god-given right to bitch.
Just get your a$$ out there and do it.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
EVANGELICAL PRESIDENT CAUGHT WITH FINGER IN CRACK
COLORADO STINGS. From the pulpit of the mighty evangelical church in Colorado Stings, CO, the new pastor reads a letter of apology to the congregation. It is a letter from their former pastor and president of their fine religious order, Pastor Haggis.
The Pastor was a lobbyist against same-sex marriage and spoke out to Washingtoon about how the act was blasphemous against the Lord God Almighty! He begged and pleaded with congress to pass laws against the immoral practice of these "heathens", these dens of liars! These fornicators most unholy.
And while he was preaching this to the world audience. He was paying his boyfriend $50 for a hand job and a blow job plus a little methamphetemine. He and said boyfriend were playing the part of a "Brokeback Mountain" in the secrecy of a Colorado hotel room. This news came out after his boyfriend found out that he was playing butt darts with a man who was the leader against same-sex marraige.
"I had to expose the hypocrite!" his boyfriend said in a phone conversation, "I can't beleive he was blowing me with that same mouth he was cursing me with."
The Pastor at first denied the allegations, stating that these were all lies. Then he stated that yes he did have involvment with this homosexual man, but he never had sex with him, he only bought meth, and that was just once, and he threw it away and never touched it again. Then, eventually, yes, he was having relations with this man, and he did do a little meth with him but it all started out as a $50 back rub.
Lets take a look at how organized religion began shall we? The Bible itself, originally had over fifty books in it. The Jews only adopted the first half of it. The Catholics wittled it down a bit with the apocrypha, and the protestants whittled that out to give us the reader's digest version of it. The Catholics call themselves the original church. They are headed by a Pope. A position of power and a power that was often abused and many jew and muslim died at the end of a catholic blade. The Lutherans, were started by Martin Luther. A man who was considered a heretic by the church fathers. The Missouri Synod was started by a pastor who took many wives and some of them happened to be someone elses wives. The mormons started because their founder said he found some other tablets of the bible in his back yard in New York.
People are imperfect, that is true. So it only goes to say that they cannot lead a church. They cannot represent what is supposed to be good, leave alone be judge of that.
The Pastor was a lobbyist against same-sex marriage and spoke out to Washingtoon about how the act was blasphemous against the Lord God Almighty! He begged and pleaded with congress to pass laws against the immoral practice of these "heathens", these dens of liars! These fornicators most unholy.
And while he was preaching this to the world audience. He was paying his boyfriend $50 for a hand job and a blow job plus a little methamphetemine. He and said boyfriend were playing the part of a "Brokeback Mountain" in the secrecy of a Colorado hotel room. This news came out after his boyfriend found out that he was playing butt darts with a man who was the leader against same-sex marraige.
"I had to expose the hypocrite!" his boyfriend said in a phone conversation, "I can't beleive he was blowing me with that same mouth he was cursing me with."
The Pastor at first denied the allegations, stating that these were all lies. Then he stated that yes he did have involvment with this homosexual man, but he never had sex with him, he only bought meth, and that was just once, and he threw it away and never touched it again. Then, eventually, yes, he was having relations with this man, and he did do a little meth with him but it all started out as a $50 back rub.
Lets take a look at how organized religion began shall we? The Bible itself, originally had over fifty books in it. The Jews only adopted the first half of it. The Catholics wittled it down a bit with the apocrypha, and the protestants whittled that out to give us the reader's digest version of it. The Catholics call themselves the original church. They are headed by a Pope. A position of power and a power that was often abused and many jew and muslim died at the end of a catholic blade. The Lutherans, were started by Martin Luther. A man who was considered a heretic by the church fathers. The Missouri Synod was started by a pastor who took many wives and some of them happened to be someone elses wives. The mormons started because their founder said he found some other tablets of the bible in his back yard in New York.
People are imperfect, that is true. So it only goes to say that they cannot lead a church. They cannot represent what is supposed to be good, leave alone be judge of that.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
SEN. FERRY TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT
WASHINGTOON, D.C. I came home today from my day job thinking that I was not going to write about the political battles being wrought on our country by the immature babies who want to represent us in Washingtoon. Of course, the majority of flub ups have been from the republican party and now that Senator (D) Ferry has opened his mouth I thought it only fair I write this piece.
Senator Ferry, in a public speech to college students announced that if they didn't stay in school and keep up with education, they would end up in Iraq. Well, of course the republicans jumped on this like flies on shit. And the democrats were also outraged at such a comment. Some back-pedaled and said that the senator was taken out of context. President Gee Dubya demanded an apology to the troops whom he said Ferry was calling them a bunch of uneducated jarheads. Ferry refused at first and then eventually today released an apology.
Here's the deal. A poloticians job is know what the hell they are saying. They hire speech writers and they practice these speeches over and over again. They have another number of staff that listen to him giving the speech. Why didn't somebody say, "Hmmm, wait a minute. That last one sounded a little outragous. Was that the joke line? We better edit that one."
Also, and this is off the subject of Senator Ferry, but in the same party as he. The woman who is running mates with hopefully the future governor of Minnesota Attorney General Mike Snatch. She was in the community of Faremount yesterday having breakfast with some supporters and someone asked her what her and Snatches opinion of E-85 was. This is an alternative fuel using Ethanol and is cheaper than fossil fuels and makes your exhaust smell like french fries. Her reply? "Ummmm, what is this E-85? I'm afraid you boys have me stumped on that one. E-85? That one's way over my head."
Well, it turns out, that E-85 cuts our dependance on foriegn oil and helps the economy and the farmer down here in south central Minnesota. So yes, there are babbling idiots on both sides.
Senator Ferry, in a public speech to college students announced that if they didn't stay in school and keep up with education, they would end up in Iraq. Well, of course the republicans jumped on this like flies on shit. And the democrats were also outraged at such a comment. Some back-pedaled and said that the senator was taken out of context. President Gee Dubya demanded an apology to the troops whom he said Ferry was calling them a bunch of uneducated jarheads. Ferry refused at first and then eventually today released an apology.
Here's the deal. A poloticians job is know what the hell they are saying. They hire speech writers and they practice these speeches over and over again. They have another number of staff that listen to him giving the speech. Why didn't somebody say, "Hmmm, wait a minute. That last one sounded a little outragous. Was that the joke line? We better edit that one."
Also, and this is off the subject of Senator Ferry, but in the same party as he. The woman who is running mates with hopefully the future governor of Minnesota Attorney General Mike Snatch. She was in the community of Faremount yesterday having breakfast with some supporters and someone asked her what her and Snatches opinion of E-85 was. This is an alternative fuel using Ethanol and is cheaper than fossil fuels and makes your exhaust smell like french fries. Her reply? "Ummmm, what is this E-85? I'm afraid you boys have me stumped on that one. E-85? That one's way over my head."
Well, it turns out, that E-85 cuts our dependance on foriegn oil and helps the economy and the farmer down here in south central Minnesota. So yes, there are babbling idiots on both sides.
