Saturday, March 18, 2006
Lost Bird Takes Helm of "Gonzo" Journalism
Faremount. Being inundated by stress in the last year, R.A.G. Files editor-in-chief has finally broken down and is taking medication. Which should make for some interesting stories spilling out of the ol mill.
Still in his experimental stage, LB has only taken a dose of Lexapro. The anti-depressant only made him more unfocused than usual and he tossed and turned until the alarm went off for work.
"I believe it's greatly shrank my penis size as well." grumble LB, "I'm already an excitable boy and this only makes me more scatterbrained! I even went so far as taking those little 'Stingers' and mixed it into some anti-oxidizing green tea. Woo-hoo! What a ride that was!"
LB has a year prescription for Wellbutrin and hopes this will balance out his mood, help him quit smoking, and also quiet the voices that tell him to kill...always kill...so much blood....so much....kill them all!!!!!
Ahem, at any rate, without insurance, LB is waiting for the price of Wellbutrin to go down so he can start his mediocre version of "Gonzo" journalism.
Still in his experimental stage, LB has only taken a dose of Lexapro. The anti-depressant only made him more unfocused than usual and he tossed and turned until the alarm went off for work.
"I believe it's greatly shrank my penis size as well." grumble LB, "I'm already an excitable boy and this only makes me more scatterbrained! I even went so far as taking those little 'Stingers' and mixed it into some anti-oxidizing green tea. Woo-hoo! What a ride that was!"
LB has a year prescription for Wellbutrin and hopes this will balance out his mood, help him quit smoking, and also quiet the voices that tell him to kill...always kill...so much blood....so much....kill them all!!!!!
Ahem, at any rate, without insurance, LB is waiting for the price of Wellbutrin to go down so he can start his mediocre version of "Gonzo" journalism.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Five Losers Elementary Turns Gulag
Faremount. As Sheriff Gephardt awaits his new Moon Valley Jail Annex, Faremount school district has opened up a new Gulag/Elementary School dubbed the Five Losers Elementary Correctional Facility.
Principal Daybedsin said the school was named after the five people in charge of the Gulag. "Our fine staff members here: Mr. Broom-bah, Mrs. deBoar, Mrs. Tremblesome, Mrs. Again, and myself. It's an inside joke, actually. We were all arguing over what to name the new school and the superintendant said that we 'five losers' better come up with something soon."
The change came in response to a growing number of "troublesome" children who were being disruptive by splashing water on the bathroom mirror. "After that, I knew it was all downhill!" cried Mr. Broom-bah.
"It's that Banana Spinner!" yelled Mrs. Again, "She was always causing problems in my classroom in 2nd grade. She...she...well, she wouldn't say I was pretty!!"
"It's true!" concurred Mrs. deBoar, "That Banana and her little freind Kenrah spilled milk in the lunch room and laughed about it! I mean, someone could have drowned!!"
The new policies will include imprisonment in the suspension room for 20 days with only water and crappy school lunch food. Suspiciously labeled "Fish Chunks".
Principal Daybedsin said the school was named after the five people in charge of the Gulag. "Our fine staff members here: Mr. Broom-bah, Mrs. deBoar, Mrs. Tremblesome, Mrs. Again, and myself. It's an inside joke, actually. We were all arguing over what to name the new school and the superintendant said that we 'five losers' better come up with something soon."
The change came in response to a growing number of "troublesome" children who were being disruptive by splashing water on the bathroom mirror. "After that, I knew it was all downhill!" cried Mr. Broom-bah.
"It's that Banana Spinner!" yelled Mrs. Again, "She was always causing problems in my classroom in 2nd grade. She...she...well, she wouldn't say I was pretty!!"
"It's true!" concurred Mrs. deBoar, "That Banana and her little freind Kenrah spilled milk in the lunch room and laughed about it! I mean, someone could have drowned!!"
The new policies will include imprisonment in the suspension room for 20 days with only water and crappy school lunch food. Suspiciously labeled "Fish Chunks".
