Friday, April 18, 2008
Lost Bird Found! Ties Knot With Lill' Susie on Scenic California Coastline!
March, 2008.
Scenic California Coastline. Somewhere along the rocky shoreline of one Southern California, a knot was tied and it was a knot that a only preacher and not a boyscout could tie legally, correctly and with the necessary amount of love.
The "knot" was marriage and the lucky lovebirds were one Lost Bird, now found and his lovely lover, Miss Sue Spinnaker, the fairest, Fair Maiden of Rearmont, a town most unworthy of her graces. Now known collectively as Lost and Sue Bird, the happy couple will reside in Rearmont for another year before pulling up stakes and returning to bask in the warm and famous vibes of the only place in the world where Lost Bird is not "colored"--that being the same, Southern California, previously noted. Once there, the couple plans to become very famous and rich. Mr. Bird intends on finding employment with the Gangsta Disciples as a financial analyst whilst Mrs. Bird will become "Arm Twistin' Sue: Bounty Hunter" and wrestle meth addicts on her very own program on telly. When there is a dearth of meth addicts availble for capture and containment, she will taze, wrestle and "capture" Lost Bird.
"Pain, contain, and maintain--that's my philosophy," said Sue when asked by the R.A.G. to elaborate. "I'll give them pain, then contain them, and then maintain the pain." At the conclusion of each episode, she will buy each meth addict a new pair of teeth, get them religion via "Sergeant Reverend Dan: the Toughest, Meanest, Get-Yer-Soul-In-Shape-4-Da-Lord Spiritual Fitness Trainer This Side O Da Big Muddy. His Motto: Dan Plans So Dan Understands." Then, she will beat up Dawg the Bounty Hunter, again and again.
What will the happy couple do with their future millions?
"Buy all of Fartin County, Minnesota," said Lost Bird, "then sell it to the U.S. Government to use as a airforce bombing test range. Its about time we gave Nevada a break, dontcha think?"
The future seems clear now, but it wasn't always so. A long time ago, the future used to be the past, and in the past there were many hurdles that the couple had to leap over in order to survive life to reach the culmination of the happiest moment within it.
"Yeah," reminisced Lost Bird, "there were a few times I wondered if it would work, but she so purty..."
"Shut! Up!" interjected Sue.
"I didn't say anything," Lost Bird replied.
"Yes you did."
"What did I say?"
"What? Just be quiet, fool."
"Fiiiiiiine."
And so it goes, and now a family has been reborn, and two, beautiful little eggs have the Irish-Maori Dad they never had, and along with Daisy the three-legged gimpy face eating machine, that makes a complete unit. It may not be nuclear, but R.A.G. Files "Family Expert" Dr. Shrill says that this is okay.
"Its like a do-hing dingy when you meow the mall ball. Gonads milk medicine the ram bam super ham," Dr. Shrill quipped with his homespun Texas wit. "Groovy snicker doodle don't hit no poodle pie try. No chicken finger fun rug. Be the beboop hip, hippity hop Easter egg make a bake force to do the do-rag gone wrong jimmy jim jam the bong water! Wrap it 'afore you tap it! "
The R.A.G. Files staff wishes its Editor and Founder and the new family all the best and most love and success. The R.A.G. Files wishes to thank Family Expert Dr. Shrill for valuable unliscensed insight and assistance provided free of charge.
Scenic California Coastline. Somewhere along the rocky shoreline of one Southern California, a knot was tied and it was a knot that a only preacher and not a boyscout could tie legally, correctly and with the necessary amount of love.
The "knot" was marriage and the lucky lovebirds were one Lost Bird, now found and his lovely lover, Miss Sue Spinnaker, the fairest, Fair Maiden of Rearmont, a town most unworthy of her graces. Now known collectively as Lost and Sue Bird, the happy couple will reside in Rearmont for another year before pulling up stakes and returning to bask in the warm and famous vibes of the only place in the world where Lost Bird is not "colored"--that being the same, Southern California, previously noted. Once there, the couple plans to become very famous and rich. Mr. Bird intends on finding employment with the Gangsta Disciples as a financial analyst whilst Mrs. Bird will become "Arm Twistin' Sue: Bounty Hunter" and wrestle meth addicts on her very own program on telly. When there is a dearth of meth addicts availble for capture and containment, she will taze, wrestle and "capture" Lost Bird.
"Pain, contain, and maintain--that's my philosophy," said Sue when asked by the R.A.G. to elaborate. "I'll give them pain, then contain them, and then maintain the pain." At the conclusion of each episode, she will buy each meth addict a new pair of teeth, get them religion via "Sergeant Reverend Dan: the Toughest, Meanest, Get-Yer-Soul-In-Shape-4-Da-Lord Spiritual Fitness Trainer This Side O Da Big Muddy. His Motto: Dan Plans So Dan Understands." Then, she will beat up Dawg the Bounty Hunter, again and again.
What will the happy couple do with their future millions?
"Buy all of Fartin County, Minnesota," said Lost Bird, "then sell it to the U.S. Government to use as a airforce bombing test range. Its about time we gave Nevada a break, dontcha think?"
The future seems clear now, but it wasn't always so. A long time ago, the future used to be the past, and in the past there were many hurdles that the couple had to leap over in order to survive life to reach the culmination of the happiest moment within it.
"Yeah," reminisced Lost Bird, "there were a few times I wondered if it would work, but she so purty..."
"Shut! Up!" interjected Sue.
"I didn't say anything," Lost Bird replied.
"Yes you did."
"What did I say?"
"What? Just be quiet, fool."
"Fiiiiiiine."
And so it goes, and now a family has been reborn, and two, beautiful little eggs have the Irish-Maori Dad they never had, and along with Daisy the three-legged gimpy face eating machine, that makes a complete unit. It may not be nuclear, but R.A.G. Files "Family Expert" Dr. Shrill says that this is okay.
"Its like a do-hing dingy when you meow the mall ball. Gonads milk medicine the ram bam super ham," Dr. Shrill quipped with his homespun Texas wit. "Groovy snicker doodle don't hit no poodle pie try. No chicken finger fun rug. Be the beboop hip, hippity hop Easter egg make a bake force to do the do-rag gone wrong jimmy jim jam the bong water! Wrap it 'afore you tap it! "
The R.A.G. Files staff wishes its Editor and Founder and the new family all the best and most love and success. The R.A.G. Files wishes to thank Family Expert Dr. Shrill for valuable unliscensed insight and assistance provided free of charge.
