Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Dick Takes Out a Possible Terrorist
Texas. Vice President Dick was awarded a medal today for taking out suspected terrorist and former hunting buddy Scoots.
President Gee Dubya pinned the medal on Dick himself with tear-stained eyes, "This is a moment in history."
Dick appraoched the podium at a recent press conference and stated, "It broke my heart to have to do what I did. Scoots was a long-time freind and confidant. But when I found out that he had spent time on the internet reading crap like the R.A.G. Files, and the Farten County Sabbatical, The Onion and all that other crap, well...I even heard he was using the Google search bar!"
Vice President Dick then broke into tears.
Dick took Scoots on a "hunting" trip with him. It was all a CIA plot actually to take Scoots out. When Scoots was finished gutting a deer, Dick shot him point blank with his 4-10. The shot actually did not kill Scoots, but did wound him. One of the peices of buckshot did make it into his heart and gave him a mild heart attack.
President Dubya finished stating, "It's Americans like Dick that make this country great. I expect all Americans to do what Dicky did. If you've got to put a bullet in yer own granny cause she's grumbling about the government with her little 'bridge group', you can be sure it's the makin's of a terrorist cell! God Bless America!"
President Gee Dubya pinned the medal on Dick himself with tear-stained eyes, "This is a moment in history."
Dick appraoched the podium at a recent press conference and stated, "It broke my heart to have to do what I did. Scoots was a long-time freind and confidant. But when I found out that he had spent time on the internet reading crap like the R.A.G. Files, and the Farten County Sabbatical, The Onion and all that other crap, well...I even heard he was using the Google search bar!"
Vice President Dick then broke into tears.
Dick took Scoots on a "hunting" trip with him. It was all a CIA plot actually to take Scoots out. When Scoots was finished gutting a deer, Dick shot him point blank with his 4-10. The shot actually did not kill Scoots, but did wound him. One of the peices of buckshot did make it into his heart and gave him a mild heart attack.
President Dubya finished stating, "It's Americans like Dick that make this country great. I expect all Americans to do what Dicky did. If you've got to put a bullet in yer own granny cause she's grumbling about the government with her little 'bridge group', you can be sure it's the makin's of a terrorist cell! God Bless America!"
Rep Goonter "It Never Happened"
St. Paul. District 5A representative Rob Goonter (R), (also former local grocer), who has been unchallenged for the last 80 years except by (D) hopeful Johnny Gibblett of Seelon from last years election, was busted the other day when he sent out an invitation to several lobbyists for his "benefit" dinner being held in Pankato.
In the invitation, Goonter implied that the $500 donation would go towards getting the lobbyists issues passed in this legislative session. Democratic opponents called him on this stating that it was unlawful to imply this, donations going towards lobbyist issues instead of Rep Goonter pushing for the issues that better represent his constituents, Republican or Democratic.
Rep. Goonter replied, "Um, I didn't really look the letter over before it was sent out. I just assumed it was okay, as soon as I find out who drafted the letter I'm firing them! But in all honesty, I don't see what's wrong with the letter."
This issue coming from the backlash that Rep. Goonter and Rep. Rosey told Moon Valley and Fernbowl County Human services that they will be receiving a bigger budget cut in the next year. The issue of the welfare of children was brought up and Rep. Rosen stated that, "
In the invitation, Goonter implied that the $500 donation would go towards getting the lobbyists issues passed in this legislative session. Democratic opponents called him on this stating that it was unlawful to imply this, donations going towards lobbyist issues instead of Rep Goonter pushing for the issues that better represent his constituents, Republican or Democratic.
Rep. Goonter replied, "Um, I didn't really look the letter over before it was sent out. I just assumed it was okay, as soon as I find out who drafted the letter I'm firing them! But in all honesty, I don't see what's wrong with the letter."
This issue coming from the backlash that Rep. Goonter and Rep. Rosey told Moon Valley and Fernbowl County Human services that they will be receiving a bigger budget cut in the next year. The issue of the welfare of children was brought up and Rep. Rosen stated that, "
