Saturday, November 05, 2005
Pawlenty Bested By Hell-Bent Heathen Deer
Minnesota State Capitol Building, St. Paul. Gov. Dim Pawlenty was attacked yesterday by a deer that broke through an office window in the state capitol building. It tossed a grenade at the governor after rapelling from a secret attack helicopter with no markings. When the grenade missed, the deer threw poison quills, illegal fireworks, cultural diversity pamphlets and bags of feces--severely humiliating the governor while educating him at the same time.
When asked about the attack, Pawlenty tried to keep his cool but appeared agitated and shaken. "Well, " he said. "I guess this is one huting season where I'm actually going to try to shoot a deer instead of getting hammered, shooting at trees and crashing ATV's. Uh...ha...ha...ha."
The deer escaped after it shat on the governor's desk. After careful inspection, it appeared that the only items missing from the governor's office were some pieces of blank stationary, a few pens, and a large wooden female pleasure device custom made to resemble the governor.
Pawlenty later disclosed that investigators determined that the deer was part of a radical liberal commando activist group with an agenda to recogize "special rights" for non-Fundamentalist Christians. "They have to be stopped now," said Pawlenty, "or else pretty soon everyone will get rights. It started with the Indians but it won't stop there. New groups of heathen infidels are storming the gates every day. Can I get an Amen-ah?"
When asked about the attack, Pawlenty tried to keep his cool but appeared agitated and shaken. "Well, " he said. "I guess this is one huting season where I'm actually going to try to shoot a deer instead of getting hammered, shooting at trees and crashing ATV's. Uh...ha...ha...ha."
The deer escaped after it shat on the governor's desk. After careful inspection, it appeared that the only items missing from the governor's office were some pieces of blank stationary, a few pens, and a large wooden female pleasure device custom made to resemble the governor.
Pawlenty later disclosed that investigators determined that the deer was part of a radical liberal commando activist group with an agenda to recogize "special rights" for non-Fundamentalist Christians. "They have to be stopped now," said Pawlenty, "or else pretty soon everyone will get rights. It started with the Indians but it won't stop there. New groups of heathen infidels are storming the gates every day. Can I get an Amen-ah?"
