Thursday, September 29, 2005
Where the Hell is My Liver?
Ohmaho. You've heard the Urban Legend. A guy walks into a bar/casino, gets loaded, goes back to hotel, gets ethered, wakes up, no kidney? Well, this reporter has lost his liver.
I have been afflicted with the painful back, right near the liver for awhile. Also, bloody urine, and the like. For awhile, I figured it was my wrestling matches with Captain Morgan, or the few boughts I lost with Jack and Jose. But looking at my back in the mirror, I noticed a small scar that I never noticed before.
After some x-rays and MRI's the doctors have concluded that my liver was missing. I thought to myself, "Self," I says, "Do you really think our little liver would just amscray on us just because we abuse it on a dialy basis?"
That was my conclusion until I find out that some big wig from Shrill Oil needed a liver and paid a little denero to be moved up on the liver transplant list from 150 to 1!
So I am on a quest to rescue my poor liver that's probably scared and homesick in some Suadi's carcass. I will remove it without anesthesia and without malice. So if you've seen my liver, it's a little beat up, black in color (to accessorize with my lungs) and he answers to the name of "Rummy" (favorite card game/really).
I have been afflicted with the painful back, right near the liver for awhile. Also, bloody urine, and the like. For awhile, I figured it was my wrestling matches with Captain Morgan, or the few boughts I lost with Jack and Jose. But looking at my back in the mirror, I noticed a small scar that I never noticed before.
After some x-rays and MRI's the doctors have concluded that my liver was missing. I thought to myself, "Self," I says, "Do you really think our little liver would just amscray on us just because we abuse it on a dialy basis?"
That was my conclusion until I find out that some big wig from Shrill Oil needed a liver and paid a little denero to be moved up on the liver transplant list from 150 to 1!
So I am on a quest to rescue my poor liver that's probably scared and homesick in some Suadi's carcass. I will remove it without anesthesia and without malice. So if you've seen my liver, it's a little beat up, black in color (to accessorize with my lungs) and he answers to the name of "Rummy" (favorite card game/really).
