Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Emotional Assault Injures Three, Authorities Say Meth, Low IQ's, Cheap Liquor and Mental Illness To Blame
Wasted All the Freakin' Time, Wi. Authorities say this is what happens when friends let friends act like idiots. On Monday Barry Spinner (known to his friends as "Spin") accepted the company of a young woman from the west coast who left treatment and needed a place to crash. Unfortunately, she also needed a place to burn...as in out...fast. "I'm an angel," the girl informed this writer. "They told me a poem about an angel, a little angel with a dirty face. Why would they say that to me if I'm not an angel? Why? I'm an angel, an angel. They told me that. They told me and its true. I'm an angel. They can't lie to me. I've been raped forty times, maybe forty million. Yeah, a million. I've been abused and beaten and tortured and lied to. How could that happen to an angel? Um...can I have a cigarette?"
Meanwhile, Little Bo displayed his talent for witty reparte. Little Bo, being a member of the Fond Du Lac Band of Ojibwe, invited this writer to attend a sweat ceremony with a medicine man. I asked Little Bo if that would be alright, since I'm a white dude and I don't have any Indian blood. "Thats fine," Little Bo responded without hesitation. "You'll have plenty of Indian blood in you after I bend you over and stick my prick in your ass! Daaaaaamn! Har, har, har!"
Across the table, Treatment Girl started yelling, "Rape! Rape Rape! I'm an angel! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!"
Little Bo: "Shut up! You're ugly."
Treatment Girl: "You don't really believe me."
Little Bo: "I just think you're ugly, thats all. Daaaaaaamn."
"I'm the best fuckin' guitar player I know," chimes in Aaron. "The best! See that Fender there man. I dropped $1300 hunderd into that Fender. I sanded down the action and all the frets. Now its better than a Les Paul!"
"Arron, come on. These guys need a break," Old Spin interjects weakly.
"Yeah, " Arron continues, "that little bitch is so sweet now, I can do anything with it. Here, go take a picture! I'll sign it for when I get famous. Then you can cash in on it!"
Treatment Girl gets up and starts dancing and singing. "I was abused! I'm an angel!"
Little Bo: "Who fuck-in cares! Daaaaaaaaaamn woman! You look like my butt hole."
"You need to stop cryin' in yer coffee and just shut up and suck it up," advises Aaron. "We've all been through the same shit and we're all connected. This whole wide world man, this whole world. Its all full of shit and we're all full of shit and none of it matters so just stop whining--"
Spin has enough. "Alright you guys! Would you just stop. You're just making it worse." Treatment Girl looks close to tears.
"What the hell is wrong with you Spin? Can't you see we're helping her. Don't you want us to try to help her. Jesus Christ! She needs advice."
Little Bo: "I've seen whole vaginas that look better'n her, man! Har, har, har! Har, har, har! Daaaaamn."
Barry Spinner's hands are trembling as he lights a cigar. "Alright but not from you okay. Come on man, just settle down...please? My daughter is here. Come on. This isn't cool."
As soon as Spin has his back turned, Aaron starts in. "God he's such a prick. I don't even know why I bother coming over here! I've got a big house and a wife who loves me. Why does he have to be such a prick?"
This writer informs him: "I think he's under a lot of stress right now."
"Yeah but that ain't no excuse. I got a house to go to, a real house. I ain't put up with this kinda crap fer a long time. You know something man? Your girlfriend is fuckin' hot dude! You don't know how lucky you are. You're lucky I'm married, otherwise...who knows you know? Naw, I'm just kidding," he mutters through half a set of discolored teeth, "I ain't gonna put any moves on her. You ain't gotta worry! I could though... But I won't. God I can't believe someone as ugly as Spin could make someone as pretty as her. God Spin's a prick... Hey Spin? Can I have another beer?"
Treatment Girl suddenly becomes more active. "I have to go to Minneapolis. You guys don't know what its like down there. They have black men with large penises. They're all waiting to rape me."
"Why do you want to go to Minneapolis then?" asks Spin
"Becaaaaaaause, I just dooooooooooo! Come on! Come onnnnnnnnnn! I need to go there."
"No, its a bad place for you. Its too dark now anyway and you don't have anywhere to go when you get there."
"Noooooo, I wanna go!"
"Fuuuuuuuuck you!" says Little Bo.
"No, too dark. Too dark," repeats Spin.
"Black men! I need my black men!"
"No, can't do it."
"But..."
"Can't do it. Too dark out. Nope."
"I want to..."
"Yup, can't do it. Can't do it. Just, lets just drop it now okay?"
"I'm an angel you know."
"Yah. Can't do it."
Nice asks little Bo if she could go to the sweat ceremony too. "Hell yeah! Daaaamn."
"But I thought women weren't allowed in those things," Nice says.
"Only when you're having your moon. Thats your period, you know the time of month where--"
"--Okay Little Bo," says Spin. "I think we all know what 'moon' means."
"Yeah, if having your moon you can't do it though," says Little Bo.
"Okay thats twice," mumbles Spin.
"See its that..uh...'moon power' thing that--"
"Three," mutters Spin.
"--makes a lady dangerous. But if you ain't in your moon, then--"
"Four."
"--its all good. See, its only when your moon cycle...yer...daaaaamn...monthly period thing..."
"Five. Okay Bo, I think we can move on now."
"Hey Spin, I's jest tellin' her 'bout Indi'n culture man."
"Yeah, my uh...daughter doesn't need to hear that over and over again."
"Its just Indi'n..."
"Its okay, they just don't need to hear that stuff right now. Maybe later Bo. Maybe later."
"What you got against my culture Spin?"
"Yeah, later Bo. Later. Not right now. Later. My daughter... Geeez, I can't even fuckin' think. These people are driving me crazy."
"Forty five million billion times," declares Treatment Girl. "Guess what that is?"
After five hours of hanging out, everyone knows the answer. "Rape!"
In twenty minutes another redneck I never met before will join the party. He will tell me all there is to know about souped up go kart engines, and how snomobile engines makes go karts so much more fun when you're wasted. He will tell me how he drives that fucker fast as it kin go down dirt roads and how she almost flipped. Meanwhile, Barry Spinner will have almost flipped, worrying about what to do with Treatment Girl, who he suddenly thinks is his responsibility. Nice and I try to convince he to ditch her at the nearest psych ward with a story about how she is ready to harm herself and or others, which is almost true. But that won't happen. Right now I still have more listening to do. There is several hours left to go of idle bragging about abilities that don't exist, half-assed guitar demonstrations where even power chords are fumbled, begging for bear and food, and rambling ruminations that do not lead to actions taken. No, there is plenty more to learn about go karts. The night is still young.
Meanwhile, Little Bo displayed his talent for witty reparte. Little Bo, being a member of the Fond Du Lac Band of Ojibwe, invited this writer to attend a sweat ceremony with a medicine man. I asked Little Bo if that would be alright, since I'm a white dude and I don't have any Indian blood. "Thats fine," Little Bo responded without hesitation. "You'll have plenty of Indian blood in you after I bend you over and stick my prick in your ass! Daaaaaamn! Har, har, har!"
Across the table, Treatment Girl started yelling, "Rape! Rape Rape! I'm an angel! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!"
Little Bo: "Shut up! You're ugly."
Treatment Girl: "You don't really believe me."
Little Bo: "I just think you're ugly, thats all. Daaaaaaamn."
"I'm the best fuckin' guitar player I know," chimes in Aaron. "The best! See that Fender there man. I dropped $1300 hunderd into that Fender. I sanded down the action and all the frets. Now its better than a Les Paul!"
"Arron, come on. These guys need a break," Old Spin interjects weakly.
"Yeah, " Arron continues, "that little bitch is so sweet now, I can do anything with it. Here, go take a picture! I'll sign it for when I get famous. Then you can cash in on it!"
Treatment Girl gets up and starts dancing and singing. "I was abused! I'm an angel!"
Little Bo: "Who fuck-in cares! Daaaaaaaaaamn woman! You look like my butt hole."
"You need to stop cryin' in yer coffee and just shut up and suck it up," advises Aaron. "We've all been through the same shit and we're all connected. This whole wide world man, this whole world. Its all full of shit and we're all full of shit and none of it matters so just stop whining--"
Spin has enough. "Alright you guys! Would you just stop. You're just making it worse." Treatment Girl looks close to tears.
"What the hell is wrong with you Spin? Can't you see we're helping her. Don't you want us to try to help her. Jesus Christ! She needs advice."
Little Bo: "I've seen whole vaginas that look better'n her, man! Har, har, har! Har, har, har! Daaaaamn."
Barry Spinner's hands are trembling as he lights a cigar. "Alright but not from you okay. Come on man, just settle down...please? My daughter is here. Come on. This isn't cool."
As soon as Spin has his back turned, Aaron starts in. "God he's such a prick. I don't even know why I bother coming over here! I've got a big house and a wife who loves me. Why does he have to be such a prick?"
This writer informs him: "I think he's under a lot of stress right now."
"Yeah but that ain't no excuse. I got a house to go to, a real house. I ain't put up with this kinda crap fer a long time. You know something man? Your girlfriend is fuckin' hot dude! You don't know how lucky you are. You're lucky I'm married, otherwise...who knows you know? Naw, I'm just kidding," he mutters through half a set of discolored teeth, "I ain't gonna put any moves on her. You ain't gotta worry! I could though... But I won't. God I can't believe someone as ugly as Spin could make someone as pretty as her. God Spin's a prick... Hey Spin? Can I have another beer?"
Treatment Girl suddenly becomes more active. "I have to go to Minneapolis. You guys don't know what its like down there. They have black men with large penises. They're all waiting to rape me."
"Why do you want to go to Minneapolis then?" asks Spin
"Becaaaaaaause, I just dooooooooooo! Come on! Come onnnnnnnnnn! I need to go there."
"No, its a bad place for you. Its too dark now anyway and you don't have anywhere to go when you get there."
"Noooooo, I wanna go!"
"Fuuuuuuuuck you!" says Little Bo.
"No, too dark. Too dark," repeats Spin.
"Black men! I need my black men!"
"No, can't do it."
"But..."
"Can't do it. Too dark out. Nope."
"I want to..."
"Yup, can't do it. Can't do it. Just, lets just drop it now okay?"
"I'm an angel you know."
"Yah. Can't do it."
Nice asks little Bo if she could go to the sweat ceremony too. "Hell yeah! Daaaamn."
"But I thought women weren't allowed in those things," Nice says.
"Only when you're having your moon. Thats your period, you know the time of month where--"
"--Okay Little Bo," says Spin. "I think we all know what 'moon' means."
"Yeah, if having your moon you can't do it though," says Little Bo.
"Okay thats twice," mumbles Spin.
"See its that..uh...'moon power' thing that--"
"Three," mutters Spin.
"--makes a lady dangerous. But if you ain't in your moon, then--"
"Four."
"--its all good. See, its only when your moon cycle...yer...daaaaamn...monthly period thing..."
"Five. Okay Bo, I think we can move on now."
"Hey Spin, I's jest tellin' her 'bout Indi'n culture man."
"Yeah, my uh...daughter doesn't need to hear that over and over again."
"Its just Indi'n..."
"Its okay, they just don't need to hear that stuff right now. Maybe later Bo. Maybe later."
"What you got against my culture Spin?"
"Yeah, later Bo. Later. Not right now. Later. My daughter... Geeez, I can't even fuckin' think. These people are driving me crazy."
"Forty five million billion times," declares Treatment Girl. "Guess what that is?"
After five hours of hanging out, everyone knows the answer. "Rape!"
In twenty minutes another redneck I never met before will join the party. He will tell me all there is to know about souped up go kart engines, and how snomobile engines makes go karts so much more fun when you're wasted. He will tell me how he drives that fucker fast as it kin go down dirt roads and how she almost flipped. Meanwhile, Barry Spinner will have almost flipped, worrying about what to do with Treatment Girl, who he suddenly thinks is his responsibility. Nice and I try to convince he to ditch her at the nearest psych ward with a story about how she is ready to harm herself and or others, which is almost true. But that won't happen. Right now I still have more listening to do. There is several hours left to go of idle bragging about abilities that don't exist, half-assed guitar demonstrations where even power chords are fumbled, begging for bear and food, and rambling ruminations that do not lead to actions taken. No, there is plenty more to learn about go karts. The night is still young.
