Friday, August 26, 2005
Rearmount city officials respond rapidly to fecal crisis
Rearmount. A serious crisis is growing and looming in the city. Now that all the meth users have been immolated and kindness has been stamped out and the strangers run out of town there is one threat that continues to rise. Simply put, the people of Rearmount are full of shit.
According to public health researcher, Dr. E.R. Exercise, "we did a survey of 25 colons and found that 9 out of ten with filled up to the top." The survey was conducted by listening to people tell stories at bars, supper clubs, the VFW, town hall and the courthouse. "We are forced to conclude that the people here are full of shit. Listen to them talk for 3 minutes and you can tell."
In order to un-loom the looming crisis, people are being encouraged to shut up, read a book, and obtain a free poop bag from one of many brown colored mail boxes set up for that purpose. The bags contain pills that will help people learn to unload their colons, including all the crap they think they know but really don't. If the innovative Poop Bag program suceeds in Rearmount, it may be extended to all of Martina County, where 63% of the people are believed to be full of shit.
According to public health researcher, Dr. E.R. Exercise, "we did a survey of 25 colons and found that 9 out of ten with filled up to the top." The survey was conducted by listening to people tell stories at bars, supper clubs, the VFW, town hall and the courthouse. "We are forced to conclude that the people here are full of shit. Listen to them talk for 3 minutes and you can tell."
In order to un-loom the looming crisis, people are being encouraged to shut up, read a book, and obtain a free poop bag from one of many brown colored mail boxes set up for that purpose. The bags contain pills that will help people learn to unload their colons, including all the crap they think they know but really don't. If the innovative Poop Bag program suceeds in Rearmount, it may be extended to all of Martina County, where 63% of the people are believed to be full of shit.
