The R.A.G. Files

Operating a Mexican without a license

Quadramont. A landscape foreperson was arrested and charged for operating several Mexican workers without displaying a Mexican license. The Mexicans were legal resident aliens with valid work permits. The foreperson claimed that he was not "operating" the Mexicans, but merely directing them to perform tasks such as ditch enlargement, shrubbery relocation and multidimensional structural assesment of social demographic data using multiple regression analysis of longitudinal surveys.

Brewman. A pig farmer was investigated for operating a Mexican without a license. It was later found that the farmer did indeed have a license to operate up to 15 Mexicans and a special endorsement to exploit them in the areas of low wages, no health care and gender discrimination. However, during the course of the investigation it was discovered that one Mexican who had no papers and called himself "Manuel Le Bore" was arrested and conscripted by Sherriff C. Gethard to immolate methamphetamine addicts at the Martina County Meth Addict Immolation Pit and Picnic Grounds.

Rearmount. Dirk Diggler, aged 23 years, cited for operating a Mexican without a license. Ordered to pay $30 fine and 1 day in jail. Sentance stayed by Judge Buster Hyman no same/similar violation for period of 15 consecutive days.

Bimont. Zander Gladforth, aged 65 years cited for operating a Mexican in unsafe/reckless manner after ordering a worker to destroy a lightpost with a front-end loader. License to operate Mexicans and unspecified Latino origin revoked pending 30 days in the klink and 1 month sensitivity and awareness classes. Sentance commuted to 1/2 hour in the klink and 1 minute of sensitivity classses, no revocation of license pending no same/similar violation for 40 days and take Judge Hyman to closest titty bar, pay for unlimited drinks/lap dances until His Honor is 86'd.

Insufficiently impolite/not hostile to strangers

Rearmount. A man was arrested and sentanced to 40 days probation for waving at someone he did not know from out of town through the windshield of hos truck as he was driving. The "stranger" who returned the wave was a Martina County Sherrif's deputy who took part in an undercover sting operation to arrest people whose level of kindness, friendliness or gregariousness is not in line with the community standards for suspicion and ill will. "We always bust a lot of johns when we do one of these stings," explained Sherriff C. Gethard. The sherriff explained that "john" is ordinarily a slang term that applies to men to patronize prostitutes, but since there are no hookers in Rearmount (skanks only) the term "john" is applied to anyone who seems too friendly, polite, nice or a democrat "like John Denver," explained a deputy. "Or John Kerry," said another deputy. "Or JFK," said someone else. "Or John Jacob Jingle Heimer Schmidt," cried the Village Idiot.

Southrop. A farmer was spotted giving automobile directions to a person he did not know. Local police found no reason for the action but the farmer had not yet used up his quota of Finite Random Acts of Kindness on his 2005 Limited and Void Where Prohibited Martina County Kindness To Strangers License. The farmer will be kept under suveillance until such time as kindness can be declared a mental illness and all kind people can be taken away for treatment and drugged until they drool.

Grainola. A woman stopped her car and telephoned for help when she saw another motorist stranded with automobile engine trouble. After investigating, police discovered that she knew the stranded motorist although the woman did not know she knew who the stranded motorist was when she made the call. The woman was cited and fined under the Intent To Help A Stranger But Helped A Friend By Accident clause of the anti-stranger friendliness law in effect across Martina County. She will break rocks in Judge Hyman's backyard until His Honor grows weary of watching.