Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Moon Valley Area Restaurant Review
The following are reveiws of the area eating spots. All are critiqued fairly, and based on the service or lack of service received by this reporter:
Jewisville.
(insert cricket chirps here)
Brewman.
BREWMAN DRIVE-IN. Ate here when it was Ay-Jay's Cafe. Good and cheap. Done up like a 50's soda shop. Has many old photo's from the town of Brewman from back in the day. Very small, but good service and the best malts you ever tasted.
AJAK BAR & GRILL. Owner is a pompous AJAK-ass. Boasts the best burgers in southern MN. Yeah, if you like burnt pre-made crap! Never any entertainment, no atmosphere. Bathrooms are clean enough to make-out in though.
Southrup.
HAIRI'S. Former owner of Father's Munney in Faremount, was the former Southrup Supperclub. Good steak. Not very intimate setting. Staff is friendly, drinks are good, food is fairly priced.
Faremount.
MCRONALD'S. Well, everyone and anyone has eaten at McRonald's. Hell, they've served over 4 billion people, and had a documentary done on them. The fast food chain has a great freindly staff during the weekday, but in the evening, you have immature slow teenagers running the show who don't know how to count out change. Interesting fact: McRonald's have made their menu healthier, especially for kids, so they've turned a lot of their playland's into video arcade. "Okay, kid, eat healthy, but no more excercise!"
ORGIE'S BAR AND GRILL. Located in the Holeaday Inn. Great burgers sky high prices. The service is terrible. It will take you an hour to get a waitress, and once you've ordered, you better hope you don't want anything else. Boast serving Green Pill Pizza. It's high-priced crap on a cracker!
PERKY'S FAMILY RESTAURANT. Great Sunday morning service if you don't mind the prying eyes of church goers judging you for not going to service. Usually do the late night drunk shift there. The blonde manager is a freak! And the cooks are usually working there because their parole officer told them they had to.
KING CHINA BUFFET KING. Formerly the China Restaurant. The ambiance is nice but the food really sucks. Say bye bye to this one.
THE RAUNCH RESTAURANT. Good food, good prices. Decorated with miniatures that are pretty cool to check out. They have carry-out and nightly specials. Schitty's Bar in back is rustic with a fireplace, great beer specials, and a collection of Hamm's beer memorbelia you have to see.
BIG L CAFE. Located in the Big L Department Store. Food is okay, service depends on who's working. Big blue-hair hang out. If you like a good stare down when you want to sit and relax and enjoy a lunch, well, c'mon in.
DAVE'S HUNG PLATE. Big on catering. Does nursing homes, jails, weddings, etc. Miss the grade F meat products and mystery dessert from school days? Or perhaps you want to see what you have to look forward to when your kids stick you in an old folks home. Then give this a try!
BLABB'S BBQ. Hailed as Faremount's token black guy. It's a little barbecue shack operated by Ronnie Blabb, the friendliest man alive! The prices are a little high, but well worth it! From Brats, Ribs, Steak, Pork or Chicken, Ronnie is the MAN!
KENTUCKY FLIED CHICKEN. MMMMMM, grease that coats the chicken and your guts. The food slides down your gullet and through your intestines into the toilet. You may even puke this crap up. The owner is an asshole. The staff is rude, and will stare you down and whisper about you if you were formerly married to their friend.
FAIRY QUEEN. The frozen treats from the big diary chain. Expensive. Good treats though. Too bad the staff is annoying and stupid. They're the type that ask you your order like 4 times and everytime it's wrong!
INTERLAKEN HO'S. A place where the Faremount elite go to feel like cultured jackasses. It works too! I ate there with my girlfriend we had a sandwich and drink which came to like $15.50. I didn't realize I was that rich.
DIRTY BURGER. The famous burger franchise lures you in with huge sandwiches, when you walk in, your feet stick to the floor and the employees have criminal records longer than the great wall of China. If your burger is cooked, you get a bonus: a clean table!
HARDON'S. Another burger chain. I love their burger's, but God how I regret it on the toilet. Another blue hair hang out. Expect everyone to stop what they're doing to stop and stare at you while you await your order and halfway through eating it.
GOODFATHER'S PIZZA. Good lunch buffet, but otherwise I wouldn't eat there. Usually only go when I get a gift certificate. Have written some award winning commercials for them through the radio station. (shameless plug)
PIZZA SLUT/TACO HELL. Service is rude. They do not deliver Taco Hell items, or past 10 oclock. What the hell is a guy to do at midnight with a drunken case of the munchies?
THE GEESE. Quaint little greasy spoon slash bar. First time I ever had a "shrimp burger" was here. Mostly a regular spot. Don't sit in the "Major's" booth or you'll find yourself doing 50 on the floor.
THE FAIRY FREEZE. Great alternative to the Fairy Queen. Ice cream treats and great daily specials. Done up like a drive-in. Popular summer spot. Shamelessly, another of my award winning ads written and produced by me.
THE SIR LOIN HOUSE. Great food, great entertainment, poor service. With an exception to a few wait staff, it will take about 40 minutes to get a waitress to take your order, and another hour and a half to get it. Their house band "DownTyme" really rocks! (another shameless self-promotion).
HAMI'S ON THE AVE. Expensive but good food and drink. SPorts bar type atmosphere. You can see Hami Gephardt pig out on her own food in the basement. Seriously, only place you'll find open on a Sunday night till midnight.
THE CHUNNEL INN. The best burgers in the United States! Great staff, great prices, good atmosphere. Pull up in your vehicle or in your boat. Outside deck to sit on and enjoy the lake.
THE CHINA SYNDROME BUFFET. Better than the other evil buffet. Still, if you want fresh stuff, than you better go there for lunch, cause you're tossing a coin when you come for supper.
JAQUE'S PIZZA. Another one of those restaurants where the food leaves your body just as fast as you can eat it! One night after eating there, I prayed to God to kill me as I sat on the john. It's a local favorite though. It's not a bad pizza but nah.
GREEDIE'S CAFE. Only open from 5:30am to 2pm. You have to roll a set of dice to see who pays for the meal. Good daily specials, nice staff. Food fast.
SEE KAYS. Only open from 5:30 am to 2pm, and only when the owner feels like being open.
Jewisville.
(insert cricket chirps here)
Brewman.
BREWMAN DRIVE-IN. Ate here when it was Ay-Jay's Cafe. Good and cheap. Done up like a 50's soda shop. Has many old photo's from the town of Brewman from back in the day. Very small, but good service and the best malts you ever tasted.
AJAK BAR & GRILL. Owner is a pompous AJAK-ass. Boasts the best burgers in southern MN. Yeah, if you like burnt pre-made crap! Never any entertainment, no atmosphere. Bathrooms are clean enough to make-out in though.
Southrup.
HAIRI'S. Former owner of Father's Munney in Faremount, was the former Southrup Supperclub. Good steak. Not very intimate setting. Staff is friendly, drinks are good, food is fairly priced.
Faremount.
MCRONALD'S. Well, everyone and anyone has eaten at McRonald's. Hell, they've served over 4 billion people, and had a documentary done on them. The fast food chain has a great freindly staff during the weekday, but in the evening, you have immature slow teenagers running the show who don't know how to count out change. Interesting fact: McRonald's have made their menu healthier, especially for kids, so they've turned a lot of their playland's into video arcade. "Okay, kid, eat healthy, but no more excercise!"
ORGIE'S BAR AND GRILL. Located in the Holeaday Inn. Great burgers sky high prices. The service is terrible. It will take you an hour to get a waitress, and once you've ordered, you better hope you don't want anything else. Boast serving Green Pill Pizza. It's high-priced crap on a cracker!
PERKY'S FAMILY RESTAURANT. Great Sunday morning service if you don't mind the prying eyes of church goers judging you for not going to service. Usually do the late night drunk shift there. The blonde manager is a freak! And the cooks are usually working there because their parole officer told them they had to.
KING CHINA BUFFET KING. Formerly the China Restaurant. The ambiance is nice but the food really sucks. Say bye bye to this one.
THE RAUNCH RESTAURANT. Good food, good prices. Decorated with miniatures that are pretty cool to check out. They have carry-out and nightly specials. Schitty's Bar in back is rustic with a fireplace, great beer specials, and a collection of Hamm's beer memorbelia you have to see.
BIG L CAFE. Located in the Big L Department Store. Food is okay, service depends on who's working. Big blue-hair hang out. If you like a good stare down when you want to sit and relax and enjoy a lunch, well, c'mon in.
DAVE'S HUNG PLATE. Big on catering. Does nursing homes, jails, weddings, etc. Miss the grade F meat products and mystery dessert from school days? Or perhaps you want to see what you have to look forward to when your kids stick you in an old folks home. Then give this a try!
BLABB'S BBQ. Hailed as Faremount's token black guy. It's a little barbecue shack operated by Ronnie Blabb, the friendliest man alive! The prices are a little high, but well worth it! From Brats, Ribs, Steak, Pork or Chicken, Ronnie is the MAN!
KENTUCKY FLIED CHICKEN. MMMMMM, grease that coats the chicken and your guts. The food slides down your gullet and through your intestines into the toilet. You may even puke this crap up. The owner is an asshole. The staff is rude, and will stare you down and whisper about you if you were formerly married to their friend.
FAIRY QUEEN. The frozen treats from the big diary chain. Expensive. Good treats though. Too bad the staff is annoying and stupid. They're the type that ask you your order like 4 times and everytime it's wrong!
INTERLAKEN HO'S. A place where the Faremount elite go to feel like cultured jackasses. It works too! I ate there with my girlfriend we had a sandwich and drink which came to like $15.50. I didn't realize I was that rich.
DIRTY BURGER. The famous burger franchise lures you in with huge sandwiches, when you walk in, your feet stick to the floor and the employees have criminal records longer than the great wall of China. If your burger is cooked, you get a bonus: a clean table!
HARDON'S. Another burger chain. I love their burger's, but God how I regret it on the toilet. Another blue hair hang out. Expect everyone to stop what they're doing to stop and stare at you while you await your order and halfway through eating it.
GOODFATHER'S PIZZA. Good lunch buffet, but otherwise I wouldn't eat there. Usually only go when I get a gift certificate. Have written some award winning commercials for them through the radio station. (shameless plug)
PIZZA SLUT/TACO HELL. Service is rude. They do not deliver Taco Hell items, or past 10 oclock. What the hell is a guy to do at midnight with a drunken case of the munchies?
THE GEESE. Quaint little greasy spoon slash bar. First time I ever had a "shrimp burger" was here. Mostly a regular spot. Don't sit in the "Major's" booth or you'll find yourself doing 50 on the floor.
THE FAIRY FREEZE. Great alternative to the Fairy Queen. Ice cream treats and great daily specials. Done up like a drive-in. Popular summer spot. Shamelessly, another of my award winning ads written and produced by me.
THE SIR LOIN HOUSE. Great food, great entertainment, poor service. With an exception to a few wait staff, it will take about 40 minutes to get a waitress to take your order, and another hour and a half to get it. Their house band "DownTyme" really rocks! (another shameless self-promotion).
HAMI'S ON THE AVE. Expensive but good food and drink. SPorts bar type atmosphere. You can see Hami Gephardt pig out on her own food in the basement. Seriously, only place you'll find open on a Sunday night till midnight.
THE CHUNNEL INN. The best burgers in the United States! Great staff, great prices, good atmosphere. Pull up in your vehicle or in your boat. Outside deck to sit on and enjoy the lake.
THE CHINA SYNDROME BUFFET. Better than the other evil buffet. Still, if you want fresh stuff, than you better go there for lunch, cause you're tossing a coin when you come for supper.
JAQUE'S PIZZA. Another one of those restaurants where the food leaves your body just as fast as you can eat it! One night after eating there, I prayed to God to kill me as I sat on the john. It's a local favorite though. It's not a bad pizza but nah.
GREEDIE'S CAFE. Only open from 5:30am to 2pm. You have to roll a set of dice to see who pays for the meal. Good daily specials, nice staff. Food fast.
SEE KAYS. Only open from 5:30 am to 2pm, and only when the owner feels like being open.
