Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Border Patrol quote, "Whoops"!
Calais, Maine. On the U.S./Canadian border near Maine, they let through a man named Gregor Depressed. He might as well be named Jason Vorhees or Michael Myers.
Mr. Depressed showed up one night at the U.S. border brandishing a bloody chainsaw, a home-made sword, a hatchet, a knife, and a set of brass knuckles. The U.S. Border Patrol, confiscated the items, finger-printed him, and told him that he could retrieve his "items" when he returned to Canada.
Mr. Depressed is wanted for the grisly murders in Victoria, British Columbia Canada. When found, he was living in Connecticut with a family tied up naked on their stomachs and a hot curling iron inserted in the family dog's anus.
When asked why the border patrol allowed Mr. Depressed into the U.S. they stated that with the new Patriot Act and the Homeland Security policies, they followed everything to the tee.
"Well," stated Homer Gomache, "I reckon we shulda checked him out a bit more. But accordin' to our Homeland Security procedure manual...we did everything we shulda, a'yuh."
When asked to see the procedure manual on Homeland Security Patrolman Gomache complied.
"The procedures quite simple." he continued, "Says right there if'n anyone comes to the border that looks like a muslim er has a turban on their head, we oughta hold 'em fer the feds, i reckon this fellah wasn't wearin a turban and he looked like one of them protestant fellahs."
The procedure also stated that it's unlawful to detain anyone not of hispanic or Arabic origin unless they are carrying an OPEC identity card.
After taking a lot of flak on the incident, hypocrite Ronald Dumsfeld commented, "What? It's not America's job to police the world!"
Mr. Depressed showed up one night at the U.S. border brandishing a bloody chainsaw, a home-made sword, a hatchet, a knife, and a set of brass knuckles. The U.S. Border Patrol, confiscated the items, finger-printed him, and told him that he could retrieve his "items" when he returned to Canada.
Mr. Depressed is wanted for the grisly murders in Victoria, British Columbia Canada. When found, he was living in Connecticut with a family tied up naked on their stomachs and a hot curling iron inserted in the family dog's anus.
When asked why the border patrol allowed Mr. Depressed into the U.S. they stated that with the new Patriot Act and the Homeland Security policies, they followed everything to the tee.
"Well," stated Homer Gomache, "I reckon we shulda checked him out a bit more. But accordin' to our Homeland Security procedure manual...we did everything we shulda, a'yuh."
When asked to see the procedure manual on Homeland Security Patrolman Gomache complied.
"The procedures quite simple." he continued, "Says right there if'n anyone comes to the border that looks like a muslim er has a turban on their head, we oughta hold 'em fer the feds, i reckon this fellah wasn't wearin a turban and he looked like one of them protestant fellahs."
The procedure also stated that it's unlawful to detain anyone not of hispanic or Arabic origin unless they are carrying an OPEC identity card.
After taking a lot of flak on the incident, hypocrite Ronald Dumsfeld commented, "What? It's not America's job to police the world!"
