Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Blasting Balls Cache Not Discovered, Despite ESP Predictions! Hope Still Lingers, "Groove Is In the Heart," say Officials!
Baldwin, Wisconsin. Only seconds after spending $150 dollars on mortars and the like, an Un-named Member of the Spinner Family (UMOTSF) was told by another un-named member of the Spinner Family but one with psychic abilities (AUMOTSFBOWPA) that she felt a ripple in the otherwise boring force that indicated immediate disarmament by state troopers just over the state line, followed by mandatory anal searches and bleeding hemmoroids. After a brief tirade unleashed by a cranky and feverish UMOTSF, he asked why AUMOTSFBOWPA couldn't turn on her ESP BEFORE the purchase of the fireworks. AUMOTSFBOWPA responded that UMOTSF was an asshole, and then both retreated to A&W to drink rootbeer and share onion rings. Thankfully, AUMOTSFBOWPA drove home well below the speed limit, earning the middle finger of many truckers but saving UMOTSF from the anal probing finger of probe-happy troopers. Fate must have been with the couple, for just minutes after arriving home in St. Paul torrential downpours, lighting strikes, random anal probes and other severe and frightening incidents criss crossed the entire metro area.
It is rumored that triple balled mortar shells with udulating crackly stuff, golf ball sized roman candles, 300 shot missile batteries, were among the largest of the patriotic goods involving sulphur, paper, big balls and underpaid Chinese factory workers. Unfortunately, no flags were available for burning. Experts estimate that the combined fire power is enough to topple at least one island dictatorship, at least if the island had a land area of ten square feet and was ruled by dictatorial squirrels with attitude.
It is rumored that triple balled mortar shells with udulating crackly stuff, golf ball sized roman candles, 300 shot missile batteries, were among the largest of the patriotic goods involving sulphur, paper, big balls and underpaid Chinese factory workers. Unfortunately, no flags were available for burning. Experts estimate that the combined fire power is enough to topple at least one island dictatorship, at least if the island had a land area of ten square feet and was ruled by dictatorial squirrels with attitude.
