Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Boxer Briefs by Madeline B. Boxer
Georgia. A runaway bride! Julia Roberts move over! A bride-to-be faces charges for staging a kidnapping/missing persons incident. The woman was found in New Mexico and said she had cold feet about the upcoming nuptials. First of all, this woman doesn't need all the media attention that she's getting, but let's face it, there hasn't been much in sensationalism as of late. The groom-to-be's family stated that if he still wants to marry her, and she's willing, they will welcome her to the family. Georgia, huh? What are the chances she probably is one of the family?
Texas. One of the many guards from Abu Graib prison in Iraq is on trial now. Lynndie England stands accused of brutality to prisoners of war. Made famous by the internet photo's of her standing by Iraqi prisoners being tortured or humiliated going against the Geneva contract. England, seen posing with her thumb up, next to a masked prisoner hung up by his hands, pointing to his genitals, another next to a naked pyramid of Iraqi prisoners, among other atrocities. One thinks that her and her "kind" should be sent to prison and then stripped naked and photographed in embarassing positions and then sent across the internet which the R.A.G. Files would be happy to post. Of course, if you've seen pictures of this he/she, you probably wouldn't read the RAG anymore.
Nebraska. A report of checks that were sent by a Jerry Fadone to his friend Brad Bootlicker in Minnesota were never received. The first of the series of checks was cashed by someone in Faremount, the second has not turned up yet. Mr. Bootlicker needing the money to help with his finacial status, is now homeless. Sheriff Gephardt of the Moon Valley Sheriff's department stated that he was going to get to the bottom of this. Then, after Jail Administrator Sparky Geerdles told him that Mr. Bootlicker was on "the" list, Sheriff Gephardt yelled, "Case Closed!!"
Iran. Because the United States isn't happy until it pisses everyone off, Iran stated that it will go forward with it's plans for Nuclear weapons. "Only for peaceful purposes, of course." stated Iranian Prime Minister of Technology. He then went on to say that Isreal and the U.S. will pay for any interference in their nuclear program. Then he preceeded to piss on the American flag and then on the Star of David. President Gee Dubya was stated as replying, "Oh, gosh."
Texas. One of the many guards from Abu Graib prison in Iraq is on trial now. Lynndie England stands accused of brutality to prisoners of war. Made famous by the internet photo's of her standing by Iraqi prisoners being tortured or humiliated going against the Geneva contract. England, seen posing with her thumb up, next to a masked prisoner hung up by his hands, pointing to his genitals, another next to a naked pyramid of Iraqi prisoners, among other atrocities. One thinks that her and her "kind" should be sent to prison and then stripped naked and photographed in embarassing positions and then sent across the internet which the R.A.G. Files would be happy to post. Of course, if you've seen pictures of this he/she, you probably wouldn't read the RAG anymore.
Nebraska. A report of checks that were sent by a Jerry Fadone to his friend Brad Bootlicker in Minnesota were never received. The first of the series of checks was cashed by someone in Faremount, the second has not turned up yet. Mr. Bootlicker needing the money to help with his finacial status, is now homeless. Sheriff Gephardt of the Moon Valley Sheriff's department stated that he was going to get to the bottom of this. Then, after Jail Administrator Sparky Geerdles told him that Mr. Bootlicker was on "the" list, Sheriff Gephardt yelled, "Case Closed!!"
Iran. Because the United States isn't happy until it pisses everyone off, Iran stated that it will go forward with it's plans for Nuclear weapons. "Only for peaceful purposes, of course." stated Iranian Prime Minister of Technology. He then went on to say that Isreal and the U.S. will pay for any interference in their nuclear program. Then he preceeded to piss on the American flag and then on the Star of David. President Gee Dubya was stated as replying, "Oh, gosh."
