Wednesday, April 20, 2005
"No Picnic Tables for You!"
Faremount. First of all, let's give thanks for the safe return of Hair-e-guy, and second, lets thank him for writing an article on the new Pope so that I can return to the mundane antics of this backward burg that I dwell in. ahhhhh....
Miss Suzanne Spinner is planning a birthday party for her two girls (turning 5 and 9) at Seemore Crack Park this Saturday. Calling the park board to rent out the picnic shelter in case of rain, the Faremount Park board stated that the shelter was already rented for that day. She then asked if there would be any picnic tables available. "Nope." they stated and left it at that.
Her boyfriend then called the park board, (pretending to call about the matter for the first time) they gave him the same answer. He then asked if there was a possibility to acquire some picnic tables. "Nope." came the answer. "So there's no picnic tables available out of the 15 some odd parks in this city, there's no table available anywhere?" the boyfriend asked. "Nope." was the answer. "I can pick them up myself, no one would need to transport them, I'd do it with my pick up." The answer was the same.
Realizing there was a pattern going on here. The last two weekends, with the spring weather being beautiful, Ms. Spinner and her boyfriend have taken the kids to the parks to barbecue. There were no tables, no trash bins, locked bathrooms, no anything. The couple began to wonder what they were spending their city tax dollars on.
A secret investigation followed the incidents and found that there is a "Sh!t List", started by Moon Valley Sheriff Vlad Gephardt. The list is pages of names he's given to all city businesses, services, etc of people to snub.
When asked what would cause a person or persons name to be on the list, he simply asked, "Who is this??" When told that this was an inquiry from a local news service, he commented, "Oh the Centential?" When told that it wasn't and this was a call from the R.A.G. Files, he said, "Your on the list, don't call me anymore!"
Sheriff Gephardt, then released a statement to the Centennial stating, "The area parks will be open to the public on Labor day through the start of school, only Meth heads or people with chemical abuse problems would think of using parks this early."
Miss Suzanne Spinner is planning a birthday party for her two girls (turning 5 and 9) at Seemore Crack Park this Saturday. Calling the park board to rent out the picnic shelter in case of rain, the Faremount Park board stated that the shelter was already rented for that day. She then asked if there would be any picnic tables available. "Nope." they stated and left it at that.
Her boyfriend then called the park board, (pretending to call about the matter for the first time) they gave him the same answer. He then asked if there was a possibility to acquire some picnic tables. "Nope." came the answer. "So there's no picnic tables available out of the 15 some odd parks in this city, there's no table available anywhere?" the boyfriend asked. "Nope." was the answer. "I can pick them up myself, no one would need to transport them, I'd do it with my pick up." The answer was the same.
Realizing there was a pattern going on here. The last two weekends, with the spring weather being beautiful, Ms. Spinner and her boyfriend have taken the kids to the parks to barbecue. There were no tables, no trash bins, locked bathrooms, no anything. The couple began to wonder what they were spending their city tax dollars on.
A secret investigation followed the incidents and found that there is a "Sh!t List", started by Moon Valley Sheriff Vlad Gephardt. The list is pages of names he's given to all city businesses, services, etc of people to snub.
When asked what would cause a person or persons name to be on the list, he simply asked, "Who is this??" When told that this was an inquiry from a local news service, he commented, "Oh the Centential?" When told that it wasn't and this was a call from the R.A.G. Files, he said, "Your on the list, don't call me anymore!"
Sheriff Gephardt, then released a statement to the Centennial stating, "The area parks will be open to the public on Labor day through the start of school, only Meth heads or people with chemical abuse problems would think of using parks this early."
