Tuesday, April 19, 2005
The Madness Doesn't Stop
Chicago. In the wake of the Pope's death the Catholic church seems to be holding the media attention on themselves. Without being able to vote for a new pontiff, the Catholic church body seems to be disintigrating.
People have camped out in St. Peters square awaiting the smoke from the chimney above the Sistenne Chapel. Millions of people could hear "Hey, it's white!!....It's White!!! It's...no wait...it's black....dammit!!" The white smoke means the Pope has been picked, black meaning no pope yet.
In Chicago, catholics have gathered around under a bridge where they beleive the image of The Blessed Mother Mary is said to have appeared. Candles are lit, and people are praying to the image. The R.A.G. files sent reporter Hair-e-guy out to the windy city to investigate. I trust his judgement on these miracles as he is an ordained minister via internet. Hair-e-guy sent in this tape as transcribed:
HG: I'm talking with the Illinois D.O.T. director, Guiseppe Fadone. Guisseppe, how do you explain the image of the Virgin Mary on this bridge overpass?
GF: Well, it looks like its just salt run-off from Lincoln Expressway thats stained the cement.
HG: You don't think that this is some sign from God? A miracle perhaps?
GF: (laughing quietly) No.
HG: Why are you whispering?
GF: Have you seen these people? They're insane. They're talking about trying to find a blood sacrifice for their blessed Mother.
HG: What? (turns to the crowd) You people are worshipping a salt stain and now you want to sacrifice to it?
(there is a dead silence)
HG: Oh crap!
Crowd: Blood expiation! Blood expiation!
HG: Uh, L.B., this isn't going well....Guiseppe! Where are you going?? You nut jobs let go of my herb pouch! What are you......
Hair-e-guy has yet to report back from Chicago.
People have camped out in St. Peters square awaiting the smoke from the chimney above the Sistenne Chapel. Millions of people could hear "Hey, it's white!!....It's White!!! It's...no wait...it's black....dammit!!" The white smoke means the Pope has been picked, black meaning no pope yet.
In Chicago, catholics have gathered around under a bridge where they beleive the image of The Blessed Mother Mary is said to have appeared. Candles are lit, and people are praying to the image. The R.A.G. files sent reporter Hair-e-guy out to the windy city to investigate. I trust his judgement on these miracles as he is an ordained minister via internet. Hair-e-guy sent in this tape as transcribed:
HG: I'm talking with the Illinois D.O.T. director, Guiseppe Fadone. Guisseppe, how do you explain the image of the Virgin Mary on this bridge overpass?
GF: Well, it looks like its just salt run-off from Lincoln Expressway thats stained the cement.
HG: You don't think that this is some sign from God? A miracle perhaps?
GF: (laughing quietly) No.
HG: Why are you whispering?
GF: Have you seen these people? They're insane. They're talking about trying to find a blood sacrifice for their blessed Mother.
HG: What? (turns to the crowd) You people are worshipping a salt stain and now you want to sacrifice to it?
(there is a dead silence)
HG: Oh crap!
Crowd: Blood expiation! Blood expiation!
HG: Uh, L.B., this isn't going well....Guiseppe! Where are you going?? You nut jobs let go of my herb pouch! What are you......
Hair-e-guy has yet to report back from Chicago.
