Monday, April 25, 2005
Lost Bird Almost Loses It
Faremount/Brewman. The Catholic church bitter at their coverage in the R.A.G. Files, even more bitter as Lost Bird has acheived official "sainthood" at the Church of Justin and Latterday Saints.com.
Saturday, Lost Bird's girlfriend's two little girls celebrated their 5th and 9th birthdays. It didn't look well for the birthday plan at Seemore Crack Park in Faremount's south side. As the city's Park board did not see it fit to "accomodate" Lost Bird or the lovely Miss Spinner. Being resourceful, the two borrowed tables from good friends and set up at Seemore Crack, and went ahead with the party.
But, mom Suzanne Spinner, had contracted the Ebola virus the day previous, and could only help Lost Bird so much until reaching unconsciousness. Thanks to Spam Spinner, proud nanna and mom, who stepped up to help.
It was close to 12 kids, ranging from ages 4 to 9, mostly girls. Then the question came..."Can we all stay at Nanny's (Spam's) house?" Spam smiled and said it would be fine but Lost Bird and Suzanne would have to stay the night as well.
After a full day of setting up, entertaining, cooking, hiking and pinata bashing, Suzanne was losing consciousness. Lost Bird was concerned that she would start losing black ichor, like his cohort Hair-e-guy.
When the crew reached Spam's home in the country just outside the Brewman city limits, Suzanne took a hot bath and gave into unconsciousness. Lost Bird did not lose hope though, as Spam stood strong with him. Then, one of the party guests acquired the itchy bloody eye! Spam saw this as an opportunity to flee, and off she left with the infected guest.
Thats when the little girls began to form a circle around Lost Bird. "We're hungry!" they chanted, over and over again. Thinking quick on his feet, LB produced left over pork patties and bratwursts and with the help of a microwave, fed the starving mass before a "Donner Party" incident occurred.
Finishing the meal, a few of the older girls decided it would be fun to paint each other with the birthday cake. Lost Bird, holding his temper in his bloody ulcer ridden abdomen, cleared the mess out. In the meantime, they found cans of whipped cream and began to war with each other in the kitchen. Lost Bird felt the old familiar facial twitch and the ache in the hands. Going from feeding little kids, nursing his girlfriend, and cleaning up poop and pee from Dizzy the "Te Mimi Wha Kei Waewae" which is Maori for "bladder on four legs".
"Okay!" he tried not bellow, "Everyone into the living room!" in they went. One lonesome boy from the party, already turning effeminate from the level of "girlishness" concentrated in one area, hung close to LB.
"Us men must stick together." LB told the boy. Then an idea struck him, "Dillion," he told the boy, "collect all the firewood you can and put it in the firepit, we're going to have a bonfire!"
With the fire successfully lit, the gaggle of girls came out and sat happily by the fire and they were ready for bed by the end of the night. Lost Bird, goes down in history as Saint Los Cheep Cheep.
Saturday, Lost Bird's girlfriend's two little girls celebrated their 5th and 9th birthdays. It didn't look well for the birthday plan at Seemore Crack Park in Faremount's south side. As the city's Park board did not see it fit to "accomodate" Lost Bird or the lovely Miss Spinner. Being resourceful, the two borrowed tables from good friends and set up at Seemore Crack, and went ahead with the party.
But, mom Suzanne Spinner, had contracted the Ebola virus the day previous, and could only help Lost Bird so much until reaching unconsciousness. Thanks to Spam Spinner, proud nanna and mom, who stepped up to help.
It was close to 12 kids, ranging from ages 4 to 9, mostly girls. Then the question came..."Can we all stay at Nanny's (Spam's) house?" Spam smiled and said it would be fine but Lost Bird and Suzanne would have to stay the night as well.
After a full day of setting up, entertaining, cooking, hiking and pinata bashing, Suzanne was losing consciousness. Lost Bird was concerned that she would start losing black ichor, like his cohort Hair-e-guy.
When the crew reached Spam's home in the country just outside the Brewman city limits, Suzanne took a hot bath and gave into unconsciousness. Lost Bird did not lose hope though, as Spam stood strong with him. Then, one of the party guests acquired the itchy bloody eye! Spam saw this as an opportunity to flee, and off she left with the infected guest.
Thats when the little girls began to form a circle around Lost Bird. "We're hungry!" they chanted, over and over again. Thinking quick on his feet, LB produced left over pork patties and bratwursts and with the help of a microwave, fed the starving mass before a "Donner Party" incident occurred.
Finishing the meal, a few of the older girls decided it would be fun to paint each other with the birthday cake. Lost Bird, holding his temper in his bloody ulcer ridden abdomen, cleared the mess out. In the meantime, they found cans of whipped cream and began to war with each other in the kitchen. Lost Bird felt the old familiar facial twitch and the ache in the hands. Going from feeding little kids, nursing his girlfriend, and cleaning up poop and pee from Dizzy the "Te Mimi Wha Kei Waewae" which is Maori for "bladder on four legs".
"Okay!" he tried not bellow, "Everyone into the living room!" in they went. One lonesome boy from the party, already turning effeminate from the level of "girlishness" concentrated in one area, hung close to LB.
"Us men must stick together." LB told the boy. Then an idea struck him, "Dillion," he told the boy, "collect all the firewood you can and put it in the firepit, we're going to have a bonfire!"
With the fire successfully lit, the gaggle of girls came out and sat happily by the fire and they were ready for bed by the end of the night. Lost Bird, goes down in history as Saint Los Cheep Cheep.
