Saturday, March 05, 2005
MAN ARRESTED AND RELEASED, TRIED TO "KILL" THE 80's
Bimont. A 21 year old man was arrested outside his split-level home in an unseemly incident, after neighbors called police to report a disturbance. The man, Walter Donald Erman was found shirtless and dirty by authorities in a heightened state of emotional distress in his front yard. He was seen by officers assaulting a stack of compact discs with a portable blowtorch and a tire iron. He was alternatively smashing and burning the CD's. When asked to state his business, Erman told the officers, "I'm killing the 80's man. I'm trying to kill the 80's. This is my house and I can kill the 80's anywhere I want to on my own land."
The officer told Erman that he could not kill the 80's because the 80's are gone, replaced by the 90's, then the 00's, which he stated as "the two thousands" because the "oh, oh's" sounds weird and offensive. After the officers told Erman that he could not kill the 80's, Erman laughed, shook his head and replied, "Well I sure as f*** am gonna try!"
The officers then restrained Erman using an aerosol chemical irritant spray. Once in custody, police officer examined the CD's Erman destroyed and found albums by Poison, Skid Row, Journey, Mike and the Mechanics, Phil Collins, Air Supply, Night Ranger, Bad English and many, many others. The CD's contained all of your favorite party hits, and were contained in one convenient collection!
An officer assigned to the investigation found one CD that Erman did not have a chance to destroy. He was observed saying, "Hip To Be Square, sweet! My wife loves this s***!" whereupon, he placed the CD in his pocket when no one was looking. This reporter decided that even though evidence was being stolen, it was probably best to let nature take its course, since only the fit shall survive. An hour later, the officer was punished for his wanton violation of Natural Law: in a bizarre and unexplained incident, his cop mustache fell off NEVER TO GROW BACK AGAIN. The officer was then forced to resign his commision in shame.
Whilst in custody, some other officers questioned Erman regarding his foolish attack on so righteous and glorious a decade. "How did you think you could kill the 80's? The 80's are stronger than any one mortal. I wanna know what killing the 80's is, I want you to show me..." Erman replied, "Dunno, but I can at least try to kill the 80's on my own property. The 80's screwed me over. I want them gone, all of the 80's, not just part of them, not one year or one thing. I mean mean all of it, even Family Ties, even though I liked that show a lot. Yeah, I know its just reruns. I want those gone too. I don't care."
Walter Donald Erman was released from custody but placed under police protection, because so many people love the 80's so much that the thought of anyone trying to kill the 80's, however unlikely or impossible, would cause them become a target of permanent harassment and derision.
Oh, who's the hunter
Who's the game
I feel the beat call your name
I'll hold you close in victory
I don't wanna tame your animal style
You won't be caged
From the call of the wild...
Shootin' at the walls of heartache
Bang, bang, I am the warrior!
Yes I am the warrior, warrior!
And heart to heart you win
If you survive the warrior, the warrior
From, Warrior by Scandal, featuring Patty Smyth
The officer told Erman that he could not kill the 80's because the 80's are gone, replaced by the 90's, then the 00's, which he stated as "the two thousands" because the "oh, oh's" sounds weird and offensive. After the officers told Erman that he could not kill the 80's, Erman laughed, shook his head and replied, "Well I sure as f*** am gonna try!"
The officers then restrained Erman using an aerosol chemical irritant spray. Once in custody, police officer examined the CD's Erman destroyed and found albums by Poison, Skid Row, Journey, Mike and the Mechanics, Phil Collins, Air Supply, Night Ranger, Bad English and many, many others. The CD's contained all of your favorite party hits, and were contained in one convenient collection!
An officer assigned to the investigation found one CD that Erman did not have a chance to destroy. He was observed saying, "Hip To Be Square, sweet! My wife loves this s***!" whereupon, he placed the CD in his pocket when no one was looking. This reporter decided that even though evidence was being stolen, it was probably best to let nature take its course, since only the fit shall survive. An hour later, the officer was punished for his wanton violation of Natural Law: in a bizarre and unexplained incident, his cop mustache fell off NEVER TO GROW BACK AGAIN. The officer was then forced to resign his commision in shame.
Whilst in custody, some other officers questioned Erman regarding his foolish attack on so righteous and glorious a decade. "How did you think you could kill the 80's? The 80's are stronger than any one mortal. I wanna know what killing the 80's is, I want you to show me..." Erman replied, "Dunno, but I can at least try to kill the 80's on my own property. The 80's screwed me over. I want them gone, all of the 80's, not just part of them, not one year or one thing. I mean mean all of it, even Family Ties, even though I liked that show a lot. Yeah, I know its just reruns. I want those gone too. I don't care."
Walter Donald Erman was released from custody but placed under police protection, because so many people love the 80's so much that the thought of anyone trying to kill the 80's, however unlikely or impossible, would cause them become a target of permanent harassment and derision.
Oh, who's the hunter
Who's the game
I feel the beat call your name
I'll hold you close in victory
I don't wanna tame your animal style
You won't be caged
From the call of the wild...
Shootin' at the walls of heartache
Bang, bang, I am the warrior!
Yes I am the warrior, warrior!
And heart to heart you win
If you survive the warrior, the warrior
From, Warrior by Scandal, featuring Patty Smyth
