Monday, March 28, 2005
Japanese Invade Rural Area
Moon Valley. It's spring, as the flies start buzzing and birds chirp, the ground and every oriface on your home vomits out what seems like a swarm of harmless lady bugs. As you frolic in the black cloud you realize that these lady bugs are chewing at your flesh wanting to burrow into your body. They are Japanese beetles.
Brought in from some stupid South Dakota farmer to rid his land of affids, they did rid the affid population but they have become a huge nuisance. Not having the flesh of affids to feast on, they have decided to add human meat to their diet.
They release a pungent odor if you squash them. They don't die on the first swat either. You can bug bomb your apartment, but more seems to come in from thin air.
Moon Valley Sheriff Vlad Gephardt has taken this upon himself to rid southcentral Minnesota of them.
"This is war!" he stated, "the Japs came at us at Pearl Harbor and now they're getting at us from the field! I won't stand for this! I won't!"
Sheriff Gephardt has now opened the county quanset's into concentration camps for all Japanese person's and beetles. He has thrown them in with his "Tweaker" camps. Gas chambers have been pumping anhydrous amonia at a constant since the spring thaw.
If you suspect Japanese beetles to be invading your home, or anyone harboring Japanese Beetles, you are asked to contact Japstoppers hotline.
Brought in from some stupid South Dakota farmer to rid his land of affids, they did rid the affid population but they have become a huge nuisance. Not having the flesh of affids to feast on, they have decided to add human meat to their diet.
They release a pungent odor if you squash them. They don't die on the first swat either. You can bug bomb your apartment, but more seems to come in from thin air.
Moon Valley Sheriff Vlad Gephardt has taken this upon himself to rid southcentral Minnesota of them.
"This is war!" he stated, "the Japs came at us at Pearl Harbor and now they're getting at us from the field! I won't stand for this! I won't!"
Sheriff Gephardt has now opened the county quanset's into concentration camps for all Japanese person's and beetles. He has thrown them in with his "Tweaker" camps. Gas chambers have been pumping anhydrous amonia at a constant since the spring thaw.
If you suspect Japanese beetles to be invading your home, or anyone harboring Japanese Beetles, you are asked to contact Japstoppers hotline.
