Friday, March 25, 2005
Christ not coming back, sources say
Rearmount. According an angry, stunned Rev. Hate of the Jesus Loves Us But Hates You evangelical free church, Jesus told him in a dream that he will not come back to Earth to deliver the "saved" to heaven. The R.A.G. Files interviewed Hate at the Happy Happy Sunshine Acres Home For Worn Out Bad People.
When asked why, Re. Hated replied, "I just don't understand. We are His chosen people. We're already saved. I don't know why he would leave us."
Jesus H. Christ, Lord and savior to literally billions of people on planet Earth responded to questions about the Second Coming via d-mail (divine mail). "You know my son, I'm in a really tough spot," he said to me. "I love everybody but they have no love for themselves or each other. They kill people in my name! It breaks my heart to think of it. There is no way I can come back to Earth and save a single one of you. In fact, its all I can do to keep my old man from wiping you out entirely--you KNOW how he gets when you piss him off! As it is, the people who invoke my name the most are the ones who are least qualified, the least entitled to do so. My biggest wish is that there were no Christians at all, if all they're going to step on my back in order take more power for themselves and bolster their own false sense of superiority... I know its a long shot but maybe by not coming back, you will all learn to get along with each other. Maybe if you don't have me to turn to every time you lose your car keys or need a raise at work, you'll figure out eventually what is really important, and what isn't. Maybe if you have no apocalypse to morbidly pine for, you'll stop being obsessed with death and genocide. Oceans of blood were never meant to be eagerly looked forward to, not even by those who thought they avoided it. As it is now, my so-called chosen people the "saved" think nothing of belittling others with their sense of entitlement. They think as soon as they got saved their work was over. By not coming back, I'm sending the message that being "saved" was not an excuse for wickedness, that it never was. Their work is now just beginning. Only the ones who do not know my name will be saved, and I will save no one."
This reporter did not even try to asked Christ to elaborate. The words ended.
When asked why, Re. Hated replied, "I just don't understand. We are His chosen people. We're already saved. I don't know why he would leave us."
Jesus H. Christ, Lord and savior to literally billions of people on planet Earth responded to questions about the Second Coming via d-mail (divine mail). "You know my son, I'm in a really tough spot," he said to me. "I love everybody but they have no love for themselves or each other. They kill people in my name! It breaks my heart to think of it. There is no way I can come back to Earth and save a single one of you. In fact, its all I can do to keep my old man from wiping you out entirely--you KNOW how he gets when you piss him off! As it is, the people who invoke my name the most are the ones who are least qualified, the least entitled to do so. My biggest wish is that there were no Christians at all, if all they're going to step on my back in order take more power for themselves and bolster their own false sense of superiority... I know its a long shot but maybe by not coming back, you will all learn to get along with each other. Maybe if you don't have me to turn to every time you lose your car keys or need a raise at work, you'll figure out eventually what is really important, and what isn't. Maybe if you have no apocalypse to morbidly pine for, you'll stop being obsessed with death and genocide. Oceans of blood were never meant to be eagerly looked forward to, not even by those who thought they avoided it. As it is now, my so-called chosen people the "saved" think nothing of belittling others with their sense of entitlement. They think as soon as they got saved their work was over. By not coming back, I'm sending the message that being "saved" was not an excuse for wickedness, that it never was. Their work is now just beginning. Only the ones who do not know my name will be saved, and I will save no one."
This reporter did not even try to asked Christ to elaborate. The words ended.
