Monday, February 28, 2005
Faremount Takes on Chicago for Title
Faremount. "The Windy City", a title held by Chicago since it's founding is getting it's competition from the small town of Faremount, Minnesota.
With winds of up to 80 miles per hour on bad days, Faremountians have braved the elements of living in such a flat area. The wind is at a constant no matter what season it is. For this reason, the birds of the area have large wing muscles and have been known to take out drunks coming out of the bars in town.
Also, the citizens of Faremount are excellent kite flyers, wind surfers, and can stand at an angle for hours due to their enormous calf muscles. On the downside, they are also known to wear bycylcle helmets as many residents have lost their lives due to flying debris. In April of 2000, there were recorded wind speeds of 80 miles per hour. The next day there were people laying dead impaled by blades of grass, junebugs, and one woman was found with her tabby cat lodged and still alive in her abdomen. One can usually tell a Faremountian by the constant gritting of their teeth, windswept hair, constant squint, and NASCAR t-shirts.
"Chicago can eat (swear word) and bark at the (swear word) moon!" said Mayor Sloth, "We done got more of that wind then them big city wussy's! (swear word) is (swear word) with the (swear word) liberal infested (swear word)!!! I'll (swear word) with his (swear word) wife and then maybe I'll (swear word) his (swear word) dog!!!"
With winds of up to 80 miles per hour on bad days, Faremountians have braved the elements of living in such a flat area. The wind is at a constant no matter what season it is. For this reason, the birds of the area have large wing muscles and have been known to take out drunks coming out of the bars in town.
Also, the citizens of Faremount are excellent kite flyers, wind surfers, and can stand at an angle for hours due to their enormous calf muscles. On the downside, they are also known to wear bycylcle helmets as many residents have lost their lives due to flying debris. In April of 2000, there were recorded wind speeds of 80 miles per hour. The next day there were people laying dead impaled by blades of grass, junebugs, and one woman was found with her tabby cat lodged and still alive in her abdomen. One can usually tell a Faremountian by the constant gritting of their teeth, windswept hair, constant squint, and NASCAR t-shirts.
"Chicago can eat (swear word) and bark at the (swear word) moon!" said Mayor Sloth, "We done got more of that wind then them big city wussy's! (swear word) is (swear word) with the (swear word) liberal infested (swear word)!!! I'll (swear word) with his (swear word) wife and then maybe I'll (swear word) his (swear word) dog!!!"
